So, its three weeks before the US midterm elections, and it
looks like we have got ourselves a horse race! Thats right, folks,
once again, its time to start playing with those forecast maps on
Real Clear Politics and FiveThirtyEight, and obsessively following
the fluctuating poll numbers of congressional candidates you have
never heard of competing in districts you couldnt locate if someone
held a gun to your head. You need to start doing this immediately,
if not sooner, as the stakes in these midterms could not be higher.
Nothing less than the continued existence of American democracy
hangs in the balance, so the ruling classes need every last one of
us to get out there and vote for somebody!
The fact that it only marginally matters who that somebody that
you vote for is should not dissuade you from voting for somebody.
Voting for somebody is your civic duty, and is no less important
than rooting for a sports team, or maintaining a personal favorite
color, or celebrity, or brand of hemorrhoid creme. Remember, if you
dont vote for somebody, somebody else is going to win, and we cant
afford to let that happen!
Now, your choices this year are particularly exciting, despite
the fact that they are exactly the same as in every other US
election since approximately the 1970s. Yes, thats right, once
again, its the Transgender Panethnic Communists of Color versus the
Old White Cisnormal Capitalist Nazis, and what a spectacle it
promises to be! The Old White Cisnormal Capitalist Nazis
(hereinafter the OWCCN) currently control well, pretty much
everything (i.e., the House, the Senate, and executive branch), and
so the Transgender Panethnic Communists of Color (hereinafter the
TPCoC) are hungry, and are looking for some serious payback after
getting their butts kicked in 2016. Rumor has it, the TPCoC are
preparing to unleash a Blue Tsunami on vulnerable OWCCN incumbents,
take control of the House of Representatives, and then not impeach
the ass clown President theyve been telling everyone for the last
two years is both a traitorous Russian intelligence asset and the
resurrection of Adolf Hitler.
And, if that isnt exciting enough for you already, theyve got
all kinds of other life-and-death issues to emotionally pressure
you into picking a team to fanatically root for on social media,
and then getting out and voting for somebody. How blatantly to
humiliate illegal immigrants, how affluent you have to be to obtain
an abortion, how much interest banks can charge when you pay for
your chemo with an Amazon card, and which pronouns law enforcement
officers are required to use to refer to people whose homes they
barge into and unintentionally murder, are just a few of the many
hot-button questions requiring your democratic input.
Other questions, like whether to invade or just strategically
bomb Iran or Syria, or some other non-ball-playing....