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IndyWatch Satirical News Feed was generated at Community Resources IndyWatch.

Monday, 18 June

00:55

May to give NHS birthday present of HMV vouchers "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Despite claiming to have found another 20bn for the NHS in left over change from the DUP, the Prime Minister has drawn up a gift list involving socks, scented candles and an ironically titled self-help guide. She has also booked a indoor childrens play area, so every medical practitioner can experience two hours in a warehouse, screaming at the top of their lungs, as they bounce off the walls a typical working day, essentially.

Tax payers aggrieved to be paying for their own birthday gift, may also be wondering why they are only getting a 5 voucher after having put 100 in the pot or how PFI shareholders got a PlayStation 4? Theresa Mays initial idea was for a surprise 70th, the surprise being that after six years of Jeremy Hunt there still was an NHS.

Interestingly, the Government has decided to re-brand their legal responsibility to fund services as a present . Which means Universal Credit will now be referred to as a bounteous gift, education funding as a charitable donation and pensions as a tip.

Another potential present had been three months of NHS free-parking but that was calculated to be worth more than the 20bn. Mrs Mays bestowal will also have an accompanying card, entitled Get Well Soon.

00:30

Tony Abbott Appointed Minister In Charge Of Not Selling The ABC "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The Turnbull Government has announced a new Ministerial appointment this week with former Prime Minister Tony Abbott being appointed the Minister for Not Selling The ABC.

I think Tony will do a marvelous job in helping us convey to the general public our intentions of not selling the ABC, said Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. You chaps in the media like stirring up trouble. Just because the Liberal council and the IPA of which most of our Senators are members want to sell the ABC does not mean we will sell it this year.

I mean have you seen how little bananas are selling for, we need to wait for the price to be higher before we sell.

When reached for comment on his appointment Mr Abbott said: Australians can trust that I, Tony Abbott will not sell the ABC. I am a man of my word. I have previously promised that there would be no cuts to the ABC and I delivered on that.

Sure we took money off the ABC but we did not cut anyone or anything on ABC premises. Now if youll excuse me Im off to see Rupert MUrdoch to see how much hes willing to pay, hypothetically if we were to sell the ABC.

Mark Williamson 

...

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Sunday, 17 June

15:30

Punk Father Lets Underage Son Have One Huff of Glue "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

DALLAS Local punk and father of three Andrew Semple reportedly allowed his underage son Andy, Jr. the privilege of sharing just one huff of glue with him late yesterday evening, sources confirmed.

My little Andys becoming a big boy now, Semple said. Ever since he was a kid, hed go upstairs while I yelled at Most Metal Moments and fetch me a bag of Elmers or some spot remover if it was a special occasion. I figured, after all this time, hes old enough to share just one huff with his Pop-Pop. Hes got hair on his nuts.

Andy Semple, Jr., age 10, reported great joy from the experience.

Dad told me not to tell mom, but it was so cool! Semple, Jr. said, despite a mysterious rash that developed on his face. All my friends at school have already tried glue once, and now, I can show them I know whats up, too. Just like them.

Related:

After sharing the heartfelt moment with his son, the senior Semple reminisced on a similar experience in his childhood.

I remember my father did the same thing with me, he said, looking off towards the sky. It was 1988, and my Daddy and I bless his soul had just seen Youth of Today. After the show, I saw a man with a triple X tattoo, and I asked my Daddy what it meant. He looked me in the eye and said, Son, all of that straight edge stuff is gay. Here, breathe this.

I took a huge whiff of whatever was in that bag, and I instantly knew that Id vaguely remember this moment for the rest of my significantly shortened life, he added.

Despite the father-son bonding, Semple, Jr.s mother, Betty Garza, was unhappy to learn of the events that took place.

My son is not old enough to be doing that. I mean, what if he became addicted? Or what if he died on his first sniff? the concerned mother said. And, God forbid, what if he accidentally tried to huff non-toxic in front of some older kids or something? God, hed look like such a huge fuckin poser.

The post...

13:14

The Betoota Advocate Interviews Controversial Murdoch Columnist Miranda Devine "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Spicing things up for episode 15 with conservative Murdoch commentator and columnist Miranda Devine. We ask the big questions this week and Miranda tells us how she processes the things she writes, in episode 15 of The ever popular Betoota Advocate Podcast. Editors Clancy Overell and Errol Parker sit down with the controversial right-wing commentator, []

The post The Betoota Advocate Interviews Controversial Murdoch Columnist Miranda Devine appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

13:00

Upskirting bill supported by every woman in history not will of the people "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Sir Christopher Chope OBE has caused confusion by shouting objection to a private members bill that would prohibit upskirting, which presumably has the unanimous support of every single woman in recorded history.  Sir Christopher was overheard saying: If God had meant us not take photographs of c$$ts, hed never have given us Tory MPs.

It was initially reported that Sir Christophers actions were motivated by a wish to honour the memory of EastEnders villain Dirty Den, the death of the actor who played him having been announced on the same day. The bereaved family had threatened to sue for defamation on the grounds that the character would never have stooped so low.

It later emerged that Sir Christopher, who has supported the privatisation of the BBC, had never heard of the soap opera, but had occasionally mistaken it for Crimewatch.

11:00

Wanted: Experienced football manager for untenable position "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Are you a football manager with extensive experience at the highest level? Are you looking for a part-time job paying millions? Will you happily accept being undermined by your employer while keeping your opinions to yourself? If the answer to all these questions is yes, then this may be the job for you.

Managing a team of arrogant millionaires, with egos even bigger than their houses, you will be expected to deliver outstanding results against superior opposition, in order to meet the unrealistic expectations of millions of delusional fans. Day-to-day responsibilities include travelling around the country watching football matches (preferably with English players involved), refuting allegations from the tabloid press, and generally trying to give the impression that you are somehow earning your massive salary.

Less frequent aspects of the job will see you selecting a squad once every few months, overseeing training and reminding players how to play football. An ability to mediate in disputes between those under your management is a must, especially if you continue to select John Terry.

While not essential, a chequered past and questionable conduct in your private life would be seen as an advantage by the English media, who would happily write page after page about you any time the team does not perform as expected.

The successful candidate must be willing to travel, and the role will sometimes include trips abroad to countries such as Poland and Ukraine. These trips are not likely to last longer than one week.

10:32

Favourite tweet of the World Cup so far after Iceland draw with Argentina "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Early days we know but heres our favourite tweet of the World Cup so far after Iceland smallest nation at the World Cup, playing their first World Cup, drew with Argentina.

Says it all.

10:24

Someone did this outside the office of a Tory MP and youll soon realise which one "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

You will probably have heard of Conservative MP Christopher Chope who single handedly stopped upskirting becoming a criminal offence in the House of Commons on Friday.

This is what his constituency office looks like now.

Nicely done.

...

10:03

Sesame Street Unveils Scary New Coastie Puppet, The Grog Monster "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet| CONTACT The makers of the iconic and ever-popular childrens television program Sesame Street have shocked parents and children today with a spooky new coastal Australian character called the Grog Monster. Sesame Street is an American educational childrens television series that combines live action, sketch comedy, animation and puppetry and has influenced children []

The post Sesame Street Unveils Scary New Coastie Puppet, The Grog Monster appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

09:13

Quality Of Nail Salon Judged By Strength Of Sickening Chemical Odours Wafting Into Arcade "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local nail salon in Betootas inner-city suburb of Roma Hills has been rated as a solid 9.5/10, judging solely off the smell. ToP pOLiSh can be found at the the sixth left-hand shopfront in the grimey Roma Arcade, just between the RTA and the prominent Australianised Chinese Restaurant, Red Lotus. While no []

The post Quality Of Nail Salon Judged By Strength Of Sickening Chemical Odours Wafting Into Arcade appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

07:22

Fed Up Mom Buys Game for Wrong System on Purpose "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

OMAHA, Neb. Sources have confirmed that Skylar Stough, mother of three, intentionally bought a copy of Injustice 2 for Playstation 4 instead of Xbox One, in an apparent attempt to punish her son Daniel for recent disciplinary issues, and to see the look on that litte shits face.

This accident child keeps texting me pictures of the game cover with XBOX in all caps. Like I dont know the fucking difference? Stough was overheard shouting in line at a local Best Buy. Im the one who bought the goddamn Xbox in the first place! Even though I told him PS4 has much better exclusives. Maybe this will teach him to listen!

Read More From Hard DriveTeam of Mother Scientists Develop Pause Button for Online Game

Matt Neal, the employee assisting Stough, told reporters he walked up to the angry mother hoping to help. After being asked to fuck off, he thought it best to let Stough shop in peace.

Normally when I see parents come into this part of the store, they look lost. Im always happy to answer their questions, he said. But this woman, she was different. She seemed to know exactly what he came in here for.

Daniels birthday isnt until June 30, but Stough admitted she was thinking of giving him his gift a little early.

Shit, I might just throw it in his face when I get home today. Hell have to pretend to like it and say Thank you, she said. I may have raised a brat, but I made sure he has manners. I cant wait to play this game on the PS4 he doesnt know I have.

After purchasing the game, Stough allegedly kicked over a display of New Releases and made an obscene gesture towards it on her way out of the store.

The post Fed Up Mom Buys Game for Wrong System on Purpose appeared first on The Hard Times.

03:34

Frances Hernandez Cleared To Play Next Game Despite Sustaining 11 Separate Concussions "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

hernandez france

In what has been described as a miracle recovery, Frances Lucas Hernandez will line up against Peru next week despite suffering from 11 concussions and a broken leg in the game against Australia.

Hernandez who also sustained a spinal injury in the second half bravely played out the game against Australia even though he broke his leg in the 11th minute, and was frequently concussed.

Its amazing how he gets these quite serious injuries game after game, but then seems to recover. Its so brave, one observer said.

Doctors are concerned for Hernandezs safety should he come up against serious physical contact in the next game. If he is actually pushed or elbowed, there are concerns he might die, one medical professional said.

03:32

Survey: 80% Of Inner City Left-Elite Still Kept Awake At Night By The Adler Shotgun "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Fresh from complaining about his slightly overcooked $10 rump last night down the Gibbering Elf Club in the Old City District, a perennially-hard-done-by-sexagenarian-property-owner knew he would have trouble sleeping after the unpleasant verbal altercation he had with the bistro manager. But it wasnt because he called a 19-year-old girl []

The post Survey: 80% Of Inner City Left-Elite Still Kept Awake At Night By The Adler Shotgun appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

03:26

Opinion: Heres Why Racism Might Be Problematic. "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT Its fair to say 2018 is probably the worst time ever to be a marginalised minority and it boils down to one simple reason: Racism. Now before you go mad in the comment section pissing on about that time during uni that I allegedly threw a cat out of a window for a []

The post Opinion: Heres Why Racism Might Be Problematic. appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

02:54

European Nation Of 70 Million Beat Australia At Our Fourth Most Popular Sport By 1 Point "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australias first dance in the 2018 FIFA World Cup has seen us controversially go down to a country that probably has equivalent to our entire populations as registered soccer players. The Socceroos had an almighty crack against the renowned soccer nation France last night, but ultimately fell short at the death in a 2-1 []

The post European Nation Of 70 Million Beat Australia At Our Fourth Most Popular Sport By 1 Point appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

02:47

Girls Drinks Enters Hug Phase "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Its Saturday afternoon at the French Quarters hottest day club and the girls just ordered another 3 bottles of rose. Babe, I love you one girl was heard saying. Nawww, no I love you! Her friend replied. Reports from other patrons state that two women then embraced in a []

The post Girls Drinks Enters Hug Phase appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

02:28

4-Hour Drive Confirms New Girlfriend Is Not Quite On Beyonces Level Yet "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Betoota Hills robot, Colin Dominican (29) thought his newish life partner, Sandra Wentworth (28), had it all going for her. She was hot, funny, loved footy and getting around his mates in his eyes she was perfect. That was until they decided to have a weekend away together []

The post 4-Hour Drive Confirms New Girlfriend Is Not Quite On Beyonces Level Yet appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

00:55

Africa closes its borders to migrant British bankers "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Reports are surfacing that a rescue vessel containing hundreds of staff from British bank branches has been turned away from ports along the North African coastline.

The migrants are following a well-trodden path to North Africa with reports of thousands of pub landlords already in settlement camps and rumours of dozens of ships containing high-street retail workers landing every week.

A journalist on the rescue vessel, HMS Public Bailout, reports:  Some are without CVs, some are sat on foldaway bikes going nowhere.  Most havent had a probiotic yoghurt in days.  Those that still have charge left in their iPads are desperately trying to update their LinkedIn profiles.  Many say they are headed to the Promised Land of Nigeria where a Prince awaits to utilise their talents.  Theyve been trying to barter their way into ports with nothing more than gym passes, Costa coffee loyalty cards and the offer to perform a personal financial review.  Its a mess.

For just 3bn a month you can keep these bankers in the style they are accustomed.  Give a banker a fish, he will eat.  But give him a fishing rod, he will try to lease it back to you in the form of a sub-prime mortgage.

00:31

Man Buries Himself Under Road For 3 Days In Stunningly Realistic Portrayal Of Life In Hobart "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Artist Mike Parr has been buried in a small container underneath a road in Hobart, in a moving depiction of what its like to live in the city.

Its cold and dark and boring, Parr reported from a two-way radio, five metres below one of the citys main streets. Theres absolutely nothing to do here. I want to move to Melbourne.

In what has been described as a test of endurance, Parr will stay in the container for 72 hours and some people will live in Hobart for their entire lives. Its definitely a hole, one onlooker said.

One Sydneysider enquired about buying the spacious studio apartment.

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Saturday, 16 June

16:00

Goldilocks admits to further string of burglaries "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Following the break-in at a bear household by the  choosy burglar, police profilers have identified several more crimes easily recognisable by her modus operandi.  One couple arrived home to find their house looking like a clothes shop changing room, while another reported their crate of best Cabernet Sauvignon stolen after someone conducted a prolonged wine-tasting session in the cellar.

Speaking on condition of anonymity to the media, Miss Locks admits to trying on twelve pairs of designer shoes in another house before deciding the Gucci were just right, although she tossed the Jimmy Choo in her bag too, just in case:  I can never quite make up my mind about shoes.

At another house where the absent owners had obligingly left three sets of car keys, she eventually settled for the medium-sized VW Golf GTI.  I wouldnt touch the pissy little Fiat 500, obviously, she explained.  I was tempted by the Audi A7 at first, but you cant make a quick getaway from the fuzz when everyone thinks youre a twat and makes a point of not letting you out at junctions.

16:00

Glasgows School of Art regrets Burns Exhibition "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Angus McGowan, curator of the National Robert Burns Archive, had been looking forward to showcasing work at the School of Art, only for the Burns element of the show to get out of hand.  Originally celebrating  the poets hitherto unknown journeys of discovery, two hundred and sixty years before his birth, sadly everything went up in flames.

As disheartened McGowan said: Very few have reached both the North and South Poles and to have achieved this feat in the eighteenth century is nothing short of achterwalliant.

15:30

Mixed Media on Canvas at Local Coffee Shop $750 for Some Fucking Reason "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

SAN FRANCISCO A crudely made oil and watercolor painting on the wall of Revelry Coffee Roasters has a reported sale price of $750 fucking dollars for some crazy fucking reason, multiple confused customers confirmed.

I saw it and thought, Are you fucking kidding me? This guy just painted over some newspapers and glued them onto a canvas and wants most of my fucking paycheck for it? said regular patron Dawn Codjoe. I mean, come the fuck on my nephew in kindergarten does shit that doesnt look much different, and I get that garbage for free.

The absolute atrocity of a painting, and its price tag, allegedly drew the attention of every person unfortunate enough to sit within eyesight of it.

I come to this coffee shop because its normally pretty quiet, and I can work on my writing without distraction, said freelance music journalist Terry Stusser. I was working at a table close to the painting and just happened to see how much the artist wanted for it and I swear to fucking Christ, I spit my coffee halfway across the cock-sucking room. I almost wish the artist would come into the shop right now, because I would fucking knock their block off for pulling a bullshit move like charging a full fucking $750 for something that looks like it was pulled out of a wet recycling bin.

Related:

Despite the lack of interested buyers, the artist behind the piece, Jeff Chalmers, stood by the hefty price tag.

Well, I am sorry if some people dont get it, but this is my best work to date. It shows off not only technical ability, but it also displays true emotion, explained the obviously delusional college student with a crazy-inflated sense of importance. What people fail to see is the subtle interplay of colors, and how the piece itself comes alive when displayed under different light.

Also, it took me, like, four weeks to paint, and my buddy Kevin sells his rusty bike chain sculptures for way more, so I dont see what the big deal is, he added.

At press time, Revelry management confirmed that the current pieces up for sale will soon be replaced by other works from local artists including a God-fucking-awful found-art work of...

13:00

Scots storm out of World Cup in protest at not being in it in the first place "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A delegation of Scottish footballers and fans has staged a protest at what they called their exclusion from the World Cup.

The rules are quite clearly prejudicial, said spokesman Jimmy McCreesh. The way they prioritise being able to play football over getting drunk and fighty, eating something unhealthy and falling asleep in the gutter is plainly intended to disadvantage Scots.

Thash right. An comin sho shoon after the introduction of minimum pricing for alcohol, ish it any wonder Shcots feel victimished? added a sweaty, obese man with deeply veined face, later revealed to be the Scottish teams Head of Physical Fitness.

Its thought that as many as five Scots took part in the walkout, though witnesses say when the road went slightly uphill, they got out of breath and decided to share a minicab.

11:32

Uruguay school kids reacting to their teams late winner went viral because its such a lovely watch "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

This is what the World Cup is all about.

Yep, think they were quite happy about it.

Some people, though

Match fixing? Surely not

...

11:16

This pic of the Tory MP who blocked the upskirting law being knighted is perfect "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

No shortage of comment today on the Tory MP Sir Christopher Chope who single-handedly blocked a law change that would have made upskirting illegal.

But in the spirit of a picture tells a thousand words, this one of him being knighted by the Queen by @IamHappyToast pretty much nails it.

Perfect.

Heres a few other things people are saying today.

1.

2.

3.

4.

11:00

Sky Sports launch new 4D service called Actually-Going-to-the-Match "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

it's almost as if you're thereSky TV bosses have today launched a revolutionary sports coverage service called Actually-Going-to-the-Match.

This is raising the bar of realistic viewing experiences, proclaimed Sky boss James Murdoch. Forget 3D and HD with this new service youll think youre really there. It looks like youre there; it sounds like youre there; if you sit too near the toilet it even smells like youre there. Christ, for an extra three quid you can even eat a disgusting burger and get punched in the face by another fan!

The service will initially be available on a pay-per-view basis, with viewers buying something called a ticket to gain access to a seat in the stands. There are plans in place to bring in an annual subscription payment plan, to be known as a season ticket.

There may be some issues with viewing quality in some cases, admitted Murdoch, like if youre sat behind a pillar or a very tall man in the seat in front who insists on standing up. But this will only be a short-term problem. Next time you go you could pretend youre disabled and youll get a much better view. Thats what I do.

The scope of this is immense, though, said Murdoch proudly. This technology can be rolled out for football, rugby, tennis, cricket, maybe even the Olympics. It could work for pretty much any sport, to be honest. The concept of Actually-Going-to-the-Match is massive. Why no-ones ever thought to do this before is beyond me.

However, critics have expressed doubts as to whether the idea will catch on, and some viewers are already complaining that the service in their areas is not as good as it could be. Football fan Phill Gayle grumbled: I paid 28 for a ticket to watch the football at the weekend and found myself having to sit through Workington versus Worcester in the Blue Square Conference North. The quality was poor, it finished 0-0, it was freezing cold and my tea tasted like piss. Im going back to normal telly Chelsea against Man Utds on next weekend.

Other TV stations are, though, considering making use of the technology themselves. The BBCs Mark Thompson said: Were very excited by the possibilities this offers. Imagine being in the audience at a play, going to a music festival or even being in the crowd at a stand-up gig. You could even interact without a red button in sight just by laughing. Whatever will they think of next?

10:51

Princess Anne telling Parky about her 1974 kidnap escape is just remarkable "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

This is Princess Anne telling Michael Parkinson about the foiled 1974 attempt to kidnap her and its remarkable on so many levels.

Extraordinary.

Source

The post Princess Anne telling Parky about her 1974 kidnap escape is just remarkable appeared first on The Poke.

08:25

Teenage Townie Transitions Into Manhood With Ritualistic Smiley Burn "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Ouchies were had big time at the Gallagher residence last night in Betoota Heights as young Brett Gallagher received a traditional smiley burn on his 18th birthday ushering in the responsibilities of manhood. In the backyard of number 34 Rockwood Road, the 18-year-olds best mate Davo called for []

The post Teenage Townie Transitions Into Manhood With Ritualistic Smiley Burn appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

05:50

Stealth Playthrough Abandoned at First Sign of Trouble "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

HOUSTON  Twitch streamer Sophie Chow completely gave up on a planned stealth playthrough of Far Cry 5 after encountering minor resistance.  

Ive been wanting to stream a stealth playthrough for a while, Chow said to the over 200 viewers of the stream, I really love how methodical you have to be, planning out every move and staying Oh shit Im spotted, eat lead motherfuckers!

Chow proceeded to decimate the low-level enemies with a minigun, holding down the trigger for a full minute after they had been torn apart by the bullets. When asked over chat why shed changed course so quickly, Chow became visibly defensive.

Look, you saw that guy, he had a goddamn knife!  It was him or me, okay? she said loudly as she hijacked a single prop airplane and used the mounted machine gun to blow up a gas station occupied by friendly NPCs, continuing her supposed stealth run.

Read More From Hard DriveHalo 2 Lobby in 12th Year of Guy Delaying Countdown

While Chow continued to insist that she really enjoys using elements of stealth in her playthroughs, her love of bloodlust become more and more noticeable as the stream went on.

Stealth is still my favorite way to play; I love to think tactically as you try to stay one step ahead of the enemy and oh fuck there goes the alarm eat lead, you pathetic hiding cowards! she bellowed as her true nature revealed itself.

As loud explosions and gunfire rocked Far Cry 5s Montana landscape, Chow assured her viewers that she would return to her stealth ways as soon as the area was cleared of enemies.

I know you guys wanna see me slowly crawl in the shadows for a half hour, and I promise Ill get back to that and just after I bathe in the digital blood of my enemies, she said.

The post Stealth Playthrough...

05:28

Man Feels Like Loser "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

38-year-old Wisconsin man, Louis Shortpecker, recently told news reporters that he feels like a complete loser. "I'm not really sure why, but sometimes I get the subtle feeling that I'm a complete loser. Maybe I feel this way because I haven...

00:55

McDonalds to replace straws with hypodermic needles "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Bowing to environmental pressure and an increased demand for saturated fat, McDonalds will be allowing customers to inject, snort or smoke their offal of choice.  There are various options, with some plastic straws being replaced by a more pragmatic mechanism for fast food delivery, known as a shovel.

Explained one manager: Our customers are looking for a speedier way to experience cardiovascular health problems.  Sadly, the plastic straw is painfully slow as a means for accessing type 2 diabetes.  While the hypodermic needle is swift, safe and can be shared by all the family,

McDonalds has recently come under criticism for its intensive farming of the Amazon: We wanted something more dolphin-friendly, more green like this dead cow for instance.  Rest assured well solve this environmental crisis, quicker than as you can say deforestation.

Some branches of McDonalds will offer family-oriented feeding zones or troughs as they are to be called.  Yet for most individuals its going to be about injecting processed junk as quickly as possible a bit like a subscription to Netflix.

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Friday, 15 June

18:19

Parents of teens attempt to sneak across U.S. Mexico border to get a break from their kids "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

In what appears to be a misguided attempt to get a break from their teenage sons, a Nevada couple purposefully attempted to cross the U.S./Mexico border illegally. According to reports, Stan and Fran Druzinski of Winnemucca, Nevada were caught...

16:35

Boy Picks His Nose And Eats Result "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A teacher at a school in Battambang recoiled in horror this afternoon, when a boy in his classroom picked a huge bogey from his nose, and ate it! There's really not much more to it than that, but, if you force me to expand on it, I will. The bo...

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Thursday, 24 May

16:14

Dog Was Barking Up The Wrong Tree "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A dog which had chased a cat over an area of wasteland and into a wooded area where it stood barking for more than ten minutes at a place it thought the cat was hiding, was barking up the wrong tree. The cat, a scrawny ginger-colored beast, had al...

07:09

Man Delayed Flight By Taking A Dump "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Airline passengers at Manchester's Ringway airport were in uproar yesterday evening, after a flight was delayed when another one of the passengers was forced to visit the lavatory at the Gate before boarding. The flight, from Manchester to Bangkok...

Wednesday, 23 May

22:10

Can You Stand the Heat??? Hot Pretzel Yoga Not for the Faint of Heart! "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Combining the key principles of hot yoga with the technology of wood-fired brick ovens, the latest fitness craze known as hot pretzel yoga offers participants the opportunity to twist themselves into a pretzel and be baked at 425 degrees for 45 minut...

16:37

Woman Marries Herself "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A woman in New Jersey who fell out with every boyfriend she ever had, has married herself. Tina Snodge, 37, who lives in Trenton, never had any problems finding partners: she was pretty, brunette, shapely, athletic, and also had a few dollars in t...

11:51

"Me Too" Bags Another; Disgraced School Chief Quits "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

In the wake of New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman's resignation, another top government official elsewhere has succumbed after similar startling revelations of unwanted sexual assaults on women. Following a painful and sometimes tearful c...

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