Ask a group of children to perform ring-a-ring of roses inside another group performing ring-a-ring of roses the other way and you have the perfect recipe for an afternoon in A&E. Change the children for protons and instead of coughing-up blood and bone, the colliding protons cough-up bits of God.
Last year the LHC produced 3 million bits of God, or Higgs bosons, of which only 200 were sold. The new upgrade will increase production to 15 million bosons per year reducing purchase costs, eventually allowing everyone with the means the opportunity to worship their own piece of God in their living rooms.
Recently, funding for the upgrade was in jeopardy after CERN paid a substantial amount of cash to rapper Large Hadron Kollidah, singer of Emperor dont got no clothes in an out-of-court settlement for damages relating to a law suit of an undisclosed nature. However, early this year Higgs bosons became a form of currency in university canteens. Global trading pushed their value up to a level where CERN could fund the upgrade by trickle-selling bosons.
The most recent delay stems from last weeks press conference to announce a timetable for completion of the upgrade, when the six year old daughter of a science journalist in the audience caused mayhem after pulling on her fathers sleeve and was overheard asking, Wont they just keep finding tinier and tinier bits of God? Work on the upgrade has now ceased indefinitely whilst scientists and accountants at CERN decide whether the journalists daughter should be burned as a witch.