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Friday, 23 March

01:32

Jenna Hoping Mark Doesnt Tell Anyone That She Told Ally That Bella Hooked Up With Tim "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Jenna Betts (27) says she doesnt really like partaking in gossip, but sometimes its for the greater good. And, for the record, its not technically gossiping if you are simply informing a close friend of something that is being kept from her. Like, shed want someone to do the same for her. Thats []

The post Jenna Hoping Mark Doesnt Tell Anyone That She Told Ally That Bella Hooked Up With Tim appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

00:55

Leaving blank voicemails to become capital offence "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The change is thought to have been prompted by the annoyance felt by the Lord Chef Justice that people kept doing it to him : Only the other day, I came out of the High Court, turned my phone back on and saw I had a voicemail.  So I listened as that stupid automated voice laboriously told me what number had called, and then after all that there was just two seconds of silence.  I mean, what a complete cockwomble.

He added that he also wanted to kill people who leave messages just telling you that they called, without saying what its about:  As if your phone doesnt bloody tell you whos called anyway, he raged.  For Gods sake, I fought in the Crimean War and I know that.

Its thought the bill will enjoy widespread support in the House of Lords, many of whose members never liked these newfangled mobile telephones and worried that no good would come of them.

I never know how to turn mine off, said Lord Bufton of Tufton.  Only the other day, it rang during a crucial debate about removing benefits from the most vulnerable in society.  Woke me up before it was even time to vote.

00:33

Outgoing Sec. Of State Claims Theres Oil Deposits Forming Under White House Swamp "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Tweet TowerThe outgoing Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, is insisting there is untapped fossil fuels in the swamps of the White Houses south lawn. Mr. Tillerson told reporters, What happens when you bury a ton of journalists and a bunch of staffers who knew too much under the same plot of land? Oil, thats what happens. Its production is accelerated

00:06

Podcast Listener Stares Down Nose At The Simple Commuters Listening To Music "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Riley Martin smiled to himself and relished in his own sense of self-worth; swinging by his wrist on the D45 Bus to the French Quarter this morning. Hed just spied another commuter on the bus bobbing his head along to a Red Hot Chili Peppers track. What a dumb cunt, []

The post Podcast Listener Stares Down Nose At The Simple Commuters Listening To Music appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

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Thursday, 22 March

22:28

Dutton Sticks Fingers In Ears And Screams La La La At Latest Press Conference "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The Minister for Immigration Peter Dutton has put on a baffling display at his latest press conference by sticking his fingers in his ears and shouting La, La, La repeatedly when asked a question by a journalist from the ABC. Minister Dutton then stormed out of the press conference screaming: Youre all dead to me, when a follow up question was asked by a journalist from the Guardian newspaper.

Look Peter has a had a difiicult day his friend Andrew Bolt told him a scary story about some farmers in South Africa and it traumatised him deeply, said Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull. But dont worry hes okay now. He is snuggled up in bed with his favourite lump of coal and I will go in soon to read him a story.

One of his favourites like Titanic or the White Australia Policy.

When asked whether the public should expect Ministers to behave more like adults when dealing with the media the Prime Minister replied: Oh youre serious, sorry I thought you were joking. I promise to have a word with Petey Dutton and we will try and control his temper tantrums.

Now if youll excuse me I have to go and deal with little Scotty Morrison. He is refusing to share his crayons with the other Ministers.

Mark Williamson
www.twitter.com/MWChatShow...

17:38

19 pictures of people trying to sell mirrors "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Its not a genre we can claim to have been aware of before, but now its all beginning to make total sense.

Pictures from people trying to sell mirrors, that is. Once youve seen one, you want to see them all. Well, maybe not them all. Heres 19 of the best, thanks to a thread begun by @silviumajor on Twitter.

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17:16

A woman tweeted this 7 years ago and someone remembered. This is what happened next "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A woman tweeted this 7 years ago and probably didnt expect anyone to take her seriously.

Except guess what happened 7 years later? This week, to be precise.

Which is kind of lovely and amazing and a bit scary at the same time. We cant even remember to do a food order in time.

Heres what happened next.

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16:55

This joke was made a lot funnier by people who just didnt get it "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

It started as a perfectly decent gag featuring the big name departures from the Labour Party under Jeremy Corbyn.

But it ascended to a whole new level thanks to people who appeared not to get it.

16:00

The Shape of Mogg Jacob reveals secret love for Fish-Man "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Victorian politician Jacob-Rees Mogg has revealed hes in a secret love affair with a strange sea-creature known as a British Trawlerman   who has been persecuted by shadowy government forces.  The unlikely union between the gruff, scaly, smelly creature that was captured and imprisoned by the EU years ago, and the sophisticated man-about-olde-London-towne was revealed yesterday when Rees-Mogg brought the repulsive creature to the House of Commons.

Fellow MPs were shocked at the sight of slippery, slimy fish-out-of-water and his weird sea creature lover holding hands and fins, and cavorting around the parliamentary precinct.  Rees-Mogg said he didnt care what it looked like to others and that he was going to elope with the fish-man back to the 18th century where only one of them would be stared and pointed at as a freak of nature.

15:04

I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner That You Cant Actually Play a Rib Cage Like a Xylophone "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Oh, OK. So apparently Im the only one here who truly cares about the success of this band.

Because from my point of view, all I see is a bunch of super judgy guys who knew we needed a xylophone to complete our demo but didnt do a thing about it. And one guy, yours truly, willing to achieve our music dreams by any means necessary.

I ran out of this studio in search of those sweet, sweet xylo tones. And when I couldnt find a xylophone at 2:00 in the morning, I found the next best things a circular saw, a homeless man, and a complete detachment from empathy. Any sane person would have done the exact same thing if they were in my loafers.

How was I supposed to know that you cant actually play a rib cage like a Xylophone? Tom and Jerry did it all the time so I assumed there was some truth to it. I mean, its always hilarious when I torture a cat in real life, so why wouldnt the rib thing also be true?

The fact that you all are looking me in the eyes and claiming you knew a rib cage wasnt going to sound like a musical instrument when struck by a mallet is whats really sickening.

Related: List of 100 Greatest Drummers Dominated By Cartoon Octopuses

 

If youre all so smart, how come nobody stopped me as I ran out of the studio. A simple, FYI dont just show up here with a body because it wont sound the same as a xylophone would have sufficed.

I suppose you want me to apologize now?

If youre so immature that you need to hear me admit that I goofed up, OK fine I pulled a boner. And Im sorry that I believe in this band so much,sue me!

Now, you jagoffs can either spend the rest of our studio time grilling me over how I procured this corpse or you can help me mic up this chest cavity. It might not sound absolutely perfect, but these bones are all weve got. So lets smack some marrow.

This is what rock n roll is all about, baby! Late night recording sessions, makeshift instruments, luring a hobo into a darkened alley with a bottle of gin and then neutralizing him with a chloroform-soaked rag, then leaving a trail of blood that leads directly up the stairs to the studio.

Someday when were rich and famous rockstars, this is going to be one of those hilarious anecdotes we tell Rolling Stone.

Now lets get rolling, because weve only got two hours left in the studio and probably less time than that before some nosy cops come asking questions.

But dont worry, Ill take care of them, t...

14:30

Hundreds of Door Guys Protest as More Venues Announce Intentions to Automate by 2020 "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

WASHINGTON Nearly 500 door guys turned out for a demonstration Saturday afternoon protesting various venues planning to automate their door-guy jobs within the next few years, sources confirmed.

Were out here today to defend our job security, and protest what we feel is, frankly, wicked fucked, said Raul Belano, a door guy at the Allston nacho bar and Irish pub, Dipping Up to Boston. I mean, how the fuck are you supposed to dish out wristbands if you dont even have any wrists? It dont make no fuckin sense, dude guy.

Scientists at top universities around the globe have been perfecting automated door guys for years, and insist that the potential job loss is merely the inevitable side effect of progress.

Make no mistake: automation is an economic reality, said Laurie Cho, a lab assistant at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Were confident that, in time, people will come to view the automated Guard Utility Individuals [GUIs] as just as capable as their human counterparts. Be on the lookout for Door GUIs to hit the marketplace as soon as 2020, once we work out the kinks on the insta-stamping, guest list identification, and stool sweat ass-scratching modules.

Venue managers across the country have been eagerly anticipating the chance to test the robots in their establishments.

Some of the prototypes Ive seen are really promising. The more advanced models even have a bad breath replicator, and can openly and indiscriminately gawk at any female attendees cleavage, said Donny Lombardo, general manager of the Snake Shack in St. Louis.

Related:

Meanwhile, door guys from all over the globe insisted that robots will never be able to replace the human touch a living, breathing door guy brings to the job.

Working the door or, lockin down Satans unholy gateway to rock n roll, as I sometimes call it aint something you can just teach, said Lou Walton, door guy at the Inhaler, an Indianapolis bar and vape loun...

14:05

Bikie-Affiliated Bloke On Smoko Says Deadset Mate It Took Two Tasers To Take Him Down "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A dodgy construction worker, who seems a little bit too eager to tell random blokes stories about his mates committing quite serious felonies, has today brought into question the effectiveness of Queensland Police Force-issued taser guns. Known only as Fingers the the bloke could be easily between his late thirties and early []

The post Bikie-Affiliated Bloke On Smoko Says Deadset Mate It Took Two Tasers To Take Him Down appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

13:49

A Texan used bombs to defend guns and the replies were very satisfactory "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Theres a chap in Texas called Chad Prather who presents a podcast described as a one-stop shop for comedy, craziness, and common sense.

Here he is displaying at least one of those characteristics with his hot take on the string of bombings in the Texas city of Austen that ended when the suspect blew himself up.

And here are the only 6 replies you need.

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13:17

A man shared what happened when he showed his 8-year-old brother how to text and it went viral "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A salutary lesson about what happens when you teach an 8-year-old sibling how to text using an iPad.

A guy called @laykelynch on Twitter did just that and the results went viral because it was funny, cute and reminded us all of what it was like to be eight.

...

13:00

Cab Driver Opens Car Door for Elderly Passenger "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

It wasnt an attempt to kill the lady, said the driver, who arrived at Ms Lambs house at 10am this morning so as to take her 200 yards for a 9.45am appointment with her podiatrist. Its just that I saw lots of neighbours helping the old dear from her front door towards the kerb and so I thought Id have plenty of time for a cigarette break.

He went on to explain: The old girl looked pretty-well past it if you ask me and I reckoned she might piss on the upholstery, so I went to cover the seat with yesterdays Daily Mail.

I was opening the passenger door and thats when she climbed in.

Technically, I could be struck off by the cab company for leaving the car unattended and with the key still in the ignition switch, so dont tell anyone, OK?

Arthur

12:14

17 brilliantly passive aggressive things done by neighbours "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Its always important to try to get on with your neighbours, right?

But if thats not possible then why not try trolling them in the style of these 17 brilliantly passive aggressive things done by neighbours

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Our new neighbours are bigots. Since regular aggression leads to assault charges, I went with passive aggression. 10,000 lights later

(via)

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Left my printer without a passcode. My neighbors sent me a message

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The HOA in my friends neighborhood recently threatened her neighbors with a fine if they didnt hide their trash cans, even though theyve been in the same spot for over a decade. This is their solution

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Cant beat a bit of passive aggressive wi-fi naming

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12:09

Smug Man Who Shut Down His Facebook, Frantically Looking For Way To Tell Friends And Family "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Feeling very pleased with himself after shutting down a social media service that most other people dont have the discipline or awareness to extract themselves from, Sydney man Jeremy Luther was this morning wondering how on earth he was going to alert his friends and family to the exciting update in his life.

If only there was some way I could broadcast this interesting piece of information to all of my friends in one go, Mr Luther said, before beginning to make a quick call to each of his 138 friends and family members.

Mr Luther eventually asked a friend to post the news on Facebook on his behalf, and pass on the number of likes and shares.

11:20

Turns out those blue Brexit passports will be made in France our 13 favourite responses "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

In breaking Brexit news, it turns out those iconic blue passports everyone will be getting when we eventually leave the EU will be made in France.

The boss of the company which currently makes the existing (red) passports said the 490m contract to make the new ones had gone to a Franco-Dutch firm based in France.

Zut alors!

Here are 13 of our favourite online responses to keep you amused while you wait in the non-EU arrivals queue.

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11:00

Lazy animal lovers welcome the remote-control dog "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

batteries bound to run out soonWhen seven-year-old Jack Russell terrier, Scamp, was hit by a car three years ago and lost all his legs, most owners would have had him put down. But not Anthony Smith from Nottingham. He had his beloved dog fitted with front and rear wheels, a powerful electric motor and a remote control.

Scamp has never looked back since, said Anthony, but thats because he cant. You can see from the look in his eyes when Im making him do J-turns, burn-outs and wheelies that he loves every moment of it. Admittedly hes had problems getting on with other dogs and theres been one or two drive-by shittings, but its all been worth it to be able to walk him without leaving my chair by the window.

Although Scamp doesnt enjoy the same freedom that he used to before his operation, his owner insists hes a whole heap faster. When we play fetch in the park hes just like his old self. Of course, I have to throw the stick and then operate the remote control to get him close enough to pick it up, but he loves it and its much less boring for me. Ive also set up an agility course for him he can actually beat able-bodied dogs, even when hes asleep.

Since pimping his pooch, Anthony has discovered a market for motorised animals and has gone into business. Almost all pets are suitable for our high-speed mobility scheme, though Ive given up working with fish, he said. In fact Ive just finished fitting an arthritic tortoise with the tracks from a Tamiya Tiger Tank. Hes surprisingly manoeuvrable. When we took him for a test drive over a see-saw, the little chap really came out of his shell, so Ive put some glue in his leg holes to stop it happening again.

However, animal rights campaigners are horrified by the trend for souped-up spaniels, claiming that some unscrupulous owners are modifying perfectly healthy pets for cosmetic reasons. Theres no doubt the look of any animal can be improved by a set of off-road tyres and an aerial, said Anthony, but this is about helping pets in their hour of need, and a brilliant new sport. We always promote safe and responsible driving, and thats why were in favour of bringing back dog licences.

11:00

Man Who Invested Early in Bitcoin Wishes He Had Friends to Spend The Money With "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

GLEN ROCK, N.J. After cashing in the hundreds of Bitcoin he had bought in 2008, newly minted millionaire Steven Profaci lamented the fact he had no friends to share his wealth with, according to close sources.

I started telling my friends years ago they were idiots for not investing in the currency of the future. In fact, I said it so often, that they stopped being my friends, said Profaci to reporters. If I saw them now, first I would tell them I told you so and second Hey its been awhile Chris, you free to chill because Im pretty lonely?

There is nothing sadder than sitting in a hot tub and watching How I Met Your Mother reruns on your phone alone, he added, from his hot tub, before pressing continue on How I Met Your Mother.

Read More From Hard Drive, The Only Ethical Gaming Journalism Site on The Internet:

Despite Profacis wish that he could share his wealth with some friends, his past acquaintances were not interested in his offer.

Is going out to dinner at an expensive steakhouse worth having to listen to him talk about mens rights all night? Absolutely not, said Ariel Stone, a former high school friend of Profaci. Sure, I thought Bitcoin was equally idiotic, and clearly history has judged me dead wrong about that, but I rather be proven wrong for the rest of my life than lectured to by the personification of Reddit.

At press time, Profaci had taken all his Bitcoin earnings and converted them to Ethereum, briefly making him a billionaire when the cryptocurrency inexp...

09:58

Why women wont take mens surnames after marriage: the only three answers you need to read "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Maami over on Twitter is asking why women dont want to take a mans surname after marriage.

And heres the three best answers other than the very reasonable I dont want to why should I?

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Please leave YOUR answers in the comments on Facebook or Twitter.

The post Why women wont take mens surnames after marriage: the only three answers you need to read appeared first on The Poke.

09:17

A guy who makes Role-playing games has criticised a map of New Orleans for being unrealistic and its gone viral "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

James L. Sutter, Co-creator of the Pathfinder and Starfinder RPGs, has been looking at the maps of New Orleans and finding them problematic.

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08:55

Local Tradie Blows Entire Marketing Budget On Personalised Plates "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the new development of the Golf Course Estate drawing more and more young families to the West Betoota, local plumber Deuce Charles (34) figured it was probably time to sell himself a bit better. His missus, who works in marketing, suggested he try his hand at some marketing. Citing the case study []

The post Local Tradie Blows Entire Marketing Budget On Personalised Plates appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

08:45

That awkward moment when you realise youre presenting BBC Newsnight dressed up as Vladimir Putin "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Newsnight presenter Evan Davis has a certain FFS look about him as he possibly realises hes dressed exactly like Vladimir Putin.

Im pretty sure the BBC photoshopped Putin to make him look more like Evan Davis. writes @Sandysingssongs.

And were sure the BBC duty log got 50 calls from old duffers going, why doesnt anyone wear ties anymore? Such disrespect.

The post That awkward moment when you realise youre presenting BBC Newsnight dressed up as Vladimir Putin appeared first on The Poke.

08:29

Donald Trump told not to congratulate Putin but he did it anyway the funniest 14 responses "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Donald Trump congratulated Vladimir Putin on his landslide election victory which, er, may not have been entirely straightforward and with investigations on-going into how the Russian president may have helped Trumps own election win.

The so-called president congratulated the so-called president despite being told specifically not to do so, according to reports.

President Trump did not follow specific warnings from his national security advisers when he congratulated Russian President Vladimir Putin on his reelection including a section in his briefing materials in all-capital letters stating DO NOT CONGRATULATE.

The presidents conversation with Putin, which Trump described as a very good call, prompted fresh criticism of his muted tone toward one of the United States biggest geopolitical rivals amid the special counsel investigation into Russias election interference and the Trump campaigns contacts with Russian officials.

Here are our favourite 14 responses online.

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08:17

White serial bombing suspect not a terrorist the only 9 responses you need "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A man suspected of carrying out a deadly series of parcel bombings in Texas has blown himself up as police officers closed in.

The 23-year-old, named as Mark Conditt, is suspected of 5 blasts that killed 2 people and injured 6 others and left a video confession on his phone.

This is what the White House had to say.

And here is the local police chief.

(via)

He does not at all mention anything about terrorism, nor does he mention anything about hate it is the outcry of a very challenged young man

And here are the only 9 responses you need.

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06:52

Living Standards Wont Improve Until All The Baby Boomers Are Dead Says Reserve Bank "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A controversial comment from the Reserve Bank today has a lot of hard-working senior Australians up in arms over claims the nation would be better off if they all just died. Philip Lowe, Governor of the Reserve Bank Of Australia, made the comments this afternoon during a presentation to shareholders and investors in []

The post Living Standards Wont Improve Until All The Baby Boomers Are Dead Says Reserve Bank appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

06:06

Gen-X Workmate Says He Feels Like Getting Crunk This Weekend "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local late thirties to early forties work colleague has today used an unfamiliar word to describe how he plans to spend his weekend with a few mates that are visiting. Benjamin Brown (from the accounting department) says its been a while since him and his mates sat down with a couple cartons []

The post Gen-X Workmate Says He Feels Like Getting Crunk This Weekend appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

05:14

Thoughtful Local Man Tags All His English Mates In Cricket Updates So They Dont Miss Whats Happening "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Pathetic, laughed Daniel Pooley. An average Thursday has turned into one to remember from the 27-year-old office person as the English cricket team collapsed to a near-record low innings at Eden Park this afternoon. Rather than let the opportunity pass, Pooley told The Advocate that hes tagged nearly every []

The post Thoughtful Local Man Tags All His English Mates In Cricket Updates So They Dont Miss Whats Happening appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

04:53

World Down To Its Last Few Spearmint Rhinos, Concerned Researchers Report "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

spearmint rhino

There are only a dozen or so Spearmint Rhino Gentlemens Clubs remaining in the world, a group of young male researchers has confirmed.

The group of 21 year-olds travelled across the US, UK and Australia on a humanitarian mission to track down the remaining Rhinos, reporting back that only 14 remained, some with limited opening hours.

Theres one in Los Angeles, one in Melbourne, a really big one in Vegas, and a few others scattered about the place. But its not many when you think about it. lead researcher Jonno Grayson reported. Its pretty tragic. I remember when there used to be loads more.

He said it was essential to preserve this important part of 1980s culture. I fear there wont be any left for future generations to enjoy, he said.

A small Spearmint Rhino died in San Francisco earlier this year, sparking concerns that they may become extinct. However an independent researcher, who did not wish to be named, said in his experience the Spearmint Rhino was still very much alive.

02:18

Vicky Kadian and Neeraj Pandey together again for Crack "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Neeraj Pandey directed drama movie Crack which starring Vicky Kadian and Akshay Kumar in lead role. The film also stars Saurabh Shukla, Elli Avrram, Rahul Dev, Gurpreet Ghuggi, Rahul Verma Rajput and Bijay Thakur in prominant role. Neeraj Pan...

01:30

Did You Know? Theres Actually A Community Of People Who Live On The Gold Coast Full-Time "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A little known fact relating to the rapidly growing population of greater South-East Queensland is that there actually is a vague community of people on the Gold Coast who arent just visiting. Even weirder, some of these people dont even live on the beach. Meaning there must be a number of houses in []

The post Did You Know? Theres Actually A Community Of People Who Live On The Gold Coast Full-Time appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

00:55

Dont worry, there are still loads more rhinos "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Following the news that the last male Northern White Rhino has died, David Attenborough has said that it is sad, but there are still loads more of other sorts of rhinos, so it could be worse.

Extinction is now inevitable for the Northern White Rhino, whose population has been reduced by decades of hunting by poachers.  But Attenborough pointed that, while it was a tragedy and a sorry indictment of the human race, there are still, like, thousands of other rhinos.

Speaking to reporters outside his home, a spokesman for Attenborough said: Yeah, Im as sad as anyone about this. It is always a tragedy when a species goes extinct.  But, you know, there are loads of other species of rhino.  And you can barely even tell the difference.

Well, David cant anyway.

I mean, lets just keep some perspective here.  Youve got northern rhinos, southern rhinos, white rhinos, black rhinos.  There are loads of rhinos, you can go and see them in the zoo.

Attenborough later called a press conference where he announced that, even if every species of rhino did die, it wouldnt be as bad as if tigers went extinct.

Ivan_Edwards

00:55

Albo Shows Off New Tailored Suit He Was Given As A Gift During Recent Visit To Griffith "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Anthony Albanese MP has today appeared on Sky News wearing some tidy new little Italian threads that were given to him as a gift by some close friends in the Riverina today. Dressed like a prohibition-era Chicago moonshining baron, Albo spoke highly of the precision of a Griffith-based tailor named Enzo. Look at []

The post Albo Shows Off New Tailored Suit He Was Given As A Gift During Recent Visit To Griffith appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

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Wednesday, 21 March

23:34

Palm Before The Stormy? Upon Growing Tired Of Tugging The Little Tyrant Trump Dialed Daniels "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Tweet TowerRumors of the presidents rocky marriage are starting to surface as Stormy Daniels lawyer reveals more details of the palace intrigue. President Trump recently made the joke, Whos leaving the White House next? Steve Miller or Melania? Trump told the Discord today, Masturbating to Fox News was really getting old, especially since Megyn Kelly left. Come back

22:25

Bernardi Demands Those C**ts At The ABC Apologise "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The leader of South Australias least popular party the Australian Conservatives Cory Bernardi has demanded that the c**ts at the ABC behind the skit that called his colleague a c**t apologise for their appalling disrespect.

The ABC has gone too far, how dare they insult my candidate and by default Me, dont they know who I am? Screamed an angry Bernardi. I mean what type of a world do we live in when a man, a decent man who represented his country can be ridiculed on a comedy show.

Whats next theyll start making fun of the Queen or Prince Philip, what an appalling pack of c**ts.

When asked why his party was suddenly against free speech and suddenly pro section 18c Senator Bernardi responded: Our party is totally for free speech but as long as its the right type of free speech. Emphasis on the right.

Senator Bernardi has written to the ABC demanding a full apology and a public flogging for the comedians involved in the skit. This request comes despite the fact this his party is also against corporal punishment.

Mark Williamson
www.twitter.com/MWChatShow

You can check out our new show Decennium Ho...

21:42

Facebook Doesnt Store Your Data, Mark Zuckerberg Assures James Samuel Wilson Of 1/45 Malvern Ave, Heidelberg Heights "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

mark zuckerberg

Wishing him a happy birthday for last week and complimenting him on the new shirt he bought today, Mark Zuckerburg reassured 26 year-old, university educated, soccer-playing junior accountant James Samuel Jimmy Wilson, that Facebook only collects the basic data required to run his account.

Zuckerberg, who said he was also a fan of The Killers latest album, told Mr Wilson not to be anxious about Facebooks use of private information, particularly given Wilsons pre-disposition to anxiety which as he would know tends to peak between 6:15 6:30pm on weekdays.

Noting Mr Wilsons recent relationship breakup, Zuckerberg advised to Just focus on your upcoming boys weekend in Sydney with Mark and Jack, and complimented him on his choice of hotel for the getaway.

Mr Wilson pointed out that he had not broken up with his girlfriend, to which Zuckerberg replied, You will. Most likely mid to late next week.

21:21

Its World Poetry Day so lets enjoy the greatest rejection letter of all time "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Feel the burn, as not many people said in 1928 when this rejection letter was sent.

This one runs it close, though, and beats it for brevity.

This one, not as brief, but just as devastating (we think).

Source

The post Its World Poetry Day so lets enjoy the greatest rejection letter of all time appeared first on The Poke.

20:00

BREAKING: Aging Punk Marks Himself Safe on Facebook Following 7Seconds Break Up "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

GREEN BAY, Wis. Aging punk Brian Kowalczyk marked himself safe on Facebook early this morning upon learning that iconic American hardcore outfit 7Seconds has broken up, relieved eyewitnesses confirmed.

Seeing all my buddies sharing their concerns and grievances over the terrible news, I just wanted to give those closest to me a little peace of mind that I was doing OK, Kowalczyk said, of the loss of his favorite band. These guys got me through my youth and I really thought theyd be there to get me through my midlife crisis. Now Id just like to ask everyone to respect my privacy as I listen to Walk Together, Rock Together on repeat during this difficult time.

Hardcore fans the world over were reportedly further saddened to learn that the band was retiring after 38 years, just two years shy of receiving their full pension.

This is a breaking news story. More updates to follow.

Article by Bobby D. Lux and The Hard Times Staff. 

The post BREAKING: Aging Punk Marks Himself Safe on Facebook Following 7Seconds Break Up
appeared first on The Hard Times.

19:01

You might think twice about eating this honey "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Not sure how to feel about this honey container writes gerardtho over on Reddit.

  • a $1.99 for spreadable honey?!?! I hope you grabbed a few jars. HIV or not, thats a great deal, writes ThatOneMitchie
  • TIL bees share needles writes gokism

Source: Reddit

The post You might think twice about eating this honey appeared first on The Poke.

18:49

Easter Sunday is also April Fools Day so someone did this "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Just imagine the big laughs youll have on Easter Sunday if someone did this. Even better if youve got kids.

April fool!

Yes, very good. See what youve done there. Except some people had this to say

18:36

People have been sharing their weirdest coffee orders and your teeth will ache "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

People have been sharing the weirdest drinks people order in coffee shops, prompted by this classic of its kind posted on Twitter.

And if you want to know what that looks like ..

It turns out Ashley isnt the only one with a taste for this sort of thing.

1.

18:33

Have you ever noticed that Gnasher is the spitting image of Ian McShane? "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Ever noticed how much Dennis The Menaces dog looks like Lovejoy?

And Minnie the Minx looks like Tinker

The post Have you ever noticed that Gnasher is the spitting image of Ian McShane? appeared first on The Poke.

18:17

Our 3 favourite cross stitch patterns "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Now heres a cross stitch pattern that is worth your while.

Magnificent.

17:30

U.S. Gov. to seek the death penalty for tobacco sellers "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Jeff Sessions to pursue CEOs and gas station clerks for tobacco sales.

17:23

Russias Maria Zakharova and the UKs Boris Johnson meet for kick-box wrestling match at the Hague "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Press Secretary of the Russian Foreign Ministry Maria Zakharova has had her challenge to UKs Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson accepted. Mr. Johnson and Ms. Zakharova went at it just last evening inside an ICC auditorium, standing room only. In...

16:00

Government commandeers Robot Wars "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

On the day the BBC revealed that it was scrapping the flagship show for geeky, nerds who never leave the house, Robot Wars, Boris Johnson has told the Andrew Marr Programme that the government intends to use the House Robots to fight the enemy in Syria.

Mr Johnson explained that the attacks would be led by Sergeant Bash, Shunt and Dead Metal, with Mathilda, the Matriarch of Mayhem, adding a more caring, supportive side to the fleet, while at the same time goring the enemy with her pneumatic tusks.  Sir Killalot, who was recently knighted in the January Honours List, will provide tactical and moral support.

If successful, added Mr Johnson, other killer robots will be added to the fleet.  These include the terrifying Beano, Bojo, The Blonde Bombshell and WiffWaff.

(Hat tip to David H)

15:18

Fuck: My Roommate Got a Book On Homebrewing "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Damnit. I knew this day would come, I just didnt know when exactly or how, but here I am.

My roommate got a book on homebrewing.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I suppose this is the natural progression, we all remember when he first got into craft beer. I hoped it was just a phase but it just got worse.

First he made shitty comments about peoples beer selection at parties.Then hed try and order flights wherever he went just to sound cool, knowing damn well that TGI Fridays didnt have a fucking flight of microbrews.

Not to mention thats all he talked about for a solid six months. Man, I thought it was easing up but it was clearly the calm before the storm because here we are.

I knew something was amiss when I saw him buying all sorts of spices. Who the fuck uses cloves? Hes not making a pumpkin bread pudding! He cant even cook AND its really out of season for that.

I wish I couldve intercepted the UPS guy with that book.

Related: Homebrew Connoisseur Can Rank Them All from Worst to Somehow Even Worse

 

Hes gonna be even worse now. I wish being a craft beer guy was just about being into beer, but its really a lifestyle shift that I didnt sign up for when we moved in together.

Honestly, I miss the old dude who smoked cigarettes indoors and used my fleshlight.

Anything but this.

Jesus Christ.

This is my life.

Now every night for the rest of my life will be spent hearing him talk about beer, making me smell his beer, him asking me advice about beer when I DONT EVEN DRINK.

I can hear it now, I know you dont drink but you gotta admit this smells better than other beer.

Christ.

And when he brings girls home, I dont even wanna think about what hes gonna put them through.Does he realize this doesnt make him cool?

If anyone knows of anywhere to live please let me know because I want to get out of here before he tries to infuse firecrackers and hotdogs into his 4th of July blend he told me about last night.

This better not get in the way of my home cheese making.

Did your friend get really into craft beer and become insufferable in the process? Let us know in the comments!

Article by Dan Luberto @TheDanLuberto

...

15:16

Awkward Japanese Teenager Thinks American Culture Would Understand Him "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

TOKYO Tokyo Metropolitan Shinjuku High School student Ayano Ishii plans to move to the United States directly after graduation, sources close to the teen confirm. Ishii constantly complains that no one in Japan understands him, particularly women, and that American culture in much more in tune with his personality.

I am going to move to the town of Duluth, Minnesota where I can watch subtitled NCIS reruns and eat authentic American food like Taco Johns and A&W Family Restaurant, Ishii reportedly told his family. Plus I can see all those weird American Ska bands I see on the internet.

Ishii also believes that American woman will appeal more to his sensibilities. According to Ishii, all American women are bossy and domineering, just how he likes them. Ishii claims that Japanese girls are intimidated by him because of his masculine persona.

Read More From Hard Drive, The Only Ethical Gaming Journalism Site on The Internet:

All he does all day is sit in his room and watch recordings of the 1970s Minnesota Vikings football games, Ayanos mother Rinko Ishii said. He refuses to eat without a fork and knife and all he wears are clothes he orders from Pacific Sunwear online. No wonder he doesnt have any friends.

An entire subculture of Japanese teens obsessing over american cultures has sprung up in Japan. These kids are usually seen as outcasts throughout their peer group and labeled with the American term Dork. While Ishii is notoriously disliked throughout his school, he doesnt believe it to be his fault.

I asked him if he saw the most recent Kemono Friends episode. He told me it was...

14:43

Gary Lineker takes down Nigel Farage hook, line and sinker "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Nigel Farage has been on a boat on the Thames chucking fish into the sea in a Brexit protest against fishing policy.

(via)

Gary Lineker, no fan either of Farage or Brexit, had this to say about the so-called protest.

Much to the annoyance of Nigel Farage.

Except Lineker wasnt quite done yet.

Then this chap, a Ukip member of the London Assembly, got involved.

14:30

Everyone at House Show Confused How Middle-Aged Man Found out About This "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

SEATTLE Showgoers at the burgeoning house venue Garbage Home were stumped Friday night when a middle-aged man found his way into their secret basement show, bewildered sources confirmed.

I knew something was up from the second he knocked on the door, instead of barging right in and asking where the beers at, like normal people know to do, said Garbage Home live-in staffer Raja Donahue. He never moshed, or broke anything, or even drunkenly yelled into the air when a band was between songs he just politely clapped and nodded his head every now and then. It was fucking weird, man.

Some residents worried the middle-aged man was a possible authority figure intent on shutting the show down.

I thought he was the landlord or, like, an undercover cop, said Molly Rogers, one of many Garbage Home dwellers. None of the people who live here are on the lease or even know what the landlord looks like. Honestly, anyone over the age of 30 who has a button-up shirt could walk in here, and Id think it was the landlord.

Related:

Several revelers thought he was a neighbor, who remained at the show despite multiple people approaching him and assuring him theyd keep it down.

The guy looked exactly like my asshole father, so I felt really self-conscious about huffing anything in front of him, said partier Petra Haggerson. I kept expecting the guy to come over and lecture me about how Im wasting my life or some shit. It was a fucking bummer. This place needs better security to keep people like him out.

The middle-aged man, later identified as 55-year-old Burien resident Bill Whatley, was allegedly underwhelmed by the live music event.

What a shit-show, said Whatley. That PA was fucked all night, and you couldnt even hear the guitars over the bass. I cant believe I dropped $20 into the donation bucket. This was a complete rip-off.

Pick up a brand new shirt and show your support for The Hard Times:

13:48

Cabinet minister Liz Truss tried to get down with the kids and it didnt end well "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Heres cabinet minister Liz Truss doing her best to get down with the kids but it didnt end entirely well.

Yes! Tories with Attitude! Yay!

Well, maybe. Here are our favourite responses online.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

13:22

The only response you need to Nigel Farages Brexit fishing protest "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Nigel Farage was on board a boat on the Thames today chucking fish in the river in protest at fishing policy.

Here are his considered thoughts on the matter because we know youre interested in this sort of thing.

Right you are, Mr Farage. If only there was something you could have done to help?

Or, to put into context of todays protest.

Yep, pretty much nails it.

Source

The post The only response you need to Nigel Farages Brexit fishing protest appeared first on The Poke.

13:09

4 reasons why Ivanka Trump got the science thing totally and utterly wrong "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

You may already have seen those pictures of Ivanka Trump dressed up like a scientist and trying to do some sort of experiment.

Lots of people have already had fun at her expense, and quite right too, but none of the comments have been quite so devastating or gone quite so viral as this one.

And just in case you were STILL in any doubt, heres another.

Boom! Not literally, that would be awful.

13:02

ADD in Adults and Kids Can Lead to Awkward Conversations "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Scientists say our addiction to phones and the prevalence of attention deficit disorder (ADD) in both kids and adults can lead to very awkward conversations. To illustrate the problem, researchers at the University of Southwestern Maine University...

ADD Can Lead to Awkward Conversations "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Scientists say our addiction to phones and the prevalence of attention deficit disorder (ADD) in both kids and adults can lead to very awkward conversations. To illustrate the problem, researchers at the University of Southwestern Maine University...

13:00

Frank Skinner forgets to mention he no longer drinks "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Comedian and TV presenter Frank Skinner thinks he may have forgotten to mention he no longer drinks.  Skinner who ordered a multipack of Epson ink cartridges from Amazon thinks he may have failed to notify the online retailers that he has been teetotal for over 20 years.

Skinner has since written to the retail giant confirming that he gave up drinking alcohol several years ago as it conflicted with his strict religious beliefs.

Ohdidnt I mention that Im Catholic either asked Skinner surely.never mind..maybe I could take out a full page advertisement in the papers.  These things are important.  People need to know.people care.

I did mention I support West Bromwich Albion.I did, didnt I.  Teetotal Catholic The Albionthat covers it.

Thats basically my act these days.

12:58

Sue Perkins had the perfect riposte to Julian Assange on Twitter "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Heres Julian Assange doing what he does best, tweeting from a cupboard.

And Sue Perkins had the perfect response.

To which the general response appeared to be

Source

The post Sue Perkins had the perfect riposte to Julian Assange on Twitter appeared first on The Poke.

12:15

The Jacob Rees-Mogg fishing protest didnt go entirely to plan and everyones making the same joke "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Jacob Rees-Mogg was due to take to the River Thames today in a Brexit protest about fishing policy but things didnt go entirely to plan for the Tory MP after this happened.

Which meant he had to do this.

In Rees-Moggs absence someone else got on the boat instead.

And lots of people...

11:18

This furious BBC letter about a misbehaving dog on the set of a 1980s TV drama is gold "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Rewind to 1984 and the makers of Agatha Christie adaptation A Murder is Announced hired a Red Setter to take part in the BBC mini-series.

Except the Red Setter didnt entirely live up to the expectations of the producers, prompting them to write this letter of complaint.

And theres so much to enjoy we dont know where to begin.

And just in case thats tricky to read

I understand that the Red Setter we hired from you for my production of A Murder is Announced was not one of your regular stable. I think in your own interests you should know that it behaved very unsatisfactorily, failing to do what was required necessitating a substantial number of re-takes.

As you might imagine this caused considerable problems not least for the poor actress who had to lie on the wet ground smeared in chicken liver paste and other would-be canine enticements while the dog went blithely its own way.

Two defences were offered a) Red Setters are distracted by chickens, b) the script described the animal as stupid, so that was what was supplied.

As for the first defence the chickens are clearly in the script which was sent to you, and the second defence I think you will agree is not even worthy of being countered.

I also asked our booker to query with you the travel days charged as Im informed the animal came from Dorchester, which is only a few miles from the location.

Seriously though, where to begin? Is it the chicken liver paste, the other would-be canine enticements, the distracting chickens, the stupid dog excuse, or the final, devastating query about mileage?

Makes us want to watch it, just for the scenes with the dog.

...

11:00

Darth Vader joins Fathers for Justice "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The organisation Fathers for Justice gained a high-profile new member today as Darth Vader attended their Annual General Meeting and recounted the harrowing story of how he lost contact with his children.

It was never an easy relationship with their mother, Princess Padme, explained Vader who had dressed as Batman to draw attention to his plight. I was apprenticed as a Jedi on minimum wage, supposed to remain celibate, then she was suddenly promoted over my head to become Queen Amidala and a member of the Galactic Senate. It was the stress of it all that turned me to the Dark Side.

But I was doing it all for her, and she just couldnt see it, continued Vader. If you read her divorce petition, its all He changed, he killed the Sand People and the Jedi Younglings, hes a Sith Lord, he tried to strangle me using the force, blah, blah, blah. Nobody asked my side of the story. Plus, she had a very good lawyer.

Soon after his pregnant wife fled the family planet and died shortly after giving birth to twins. The children were then taken into care by Jedi social services and were adopted by separate parents in different star systems. Vader then spent much of the next twenty years searching for his children, but to no avail.

If only Id known Princess Leia was my daughter then I might not have had her tortured on the Death Star or only a little bit anyway, he reflected. But its hard for a father reunited with his children after so long. When I finally met my son I offered to set him up with a good job, a pension, health care, company Tie fighter, but he had a lot of anger issues. Its just a shame I couldnt channel it towards the Dark Side. I just lost it and cut off his hand, which may not have been the best response.

Despite the setbacks Vader is hopeful of regaining contact with his children. Im building this nice new Death Star just off Endor, somewhere they can stop by and visit, maybe stay over eventually and bring the grandchildren. Just dont pass the address on to the Child Support Agency.

by, and for, Quaz

R.I.P.

08:28

This guy wasnt happy how his ex-wife celebrated their wedding anniversary "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

This is how a woman called Andrea celebrated her wedding anniversary on Twitter.

Before.

After.

Quite a transformation, were sure you will agree.

Yes, yes, shes talking about the bloke, who it turned out wasnt very happy about it.

And that&...

07:46

Disgruntled Facebook User Who Just Deleted Account Has Nowhere To Brag About Being That Woke "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the #DeleteFacebook movement grows in momentum, so too has another. Thousands of disgruntled and unhappy Facebook customers have deleted their accounts in the wake of the Cambridge Analytica scandal whereby the transglobal social media network stands accused of allowing private research firms harvest their data for commercial gain. But those who have []

The post Disgruntled Facebook User Who Just Deleted Account Has Nowhere To Brag About Being That Woke appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

06:07

Ed Sheeran Kills Time Until Brisbane Concert Playing Wheres The Gold In Broncos Leagues "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ahead of his second sold out Brisbane show at Suncorp Stadium tonight, English pop star Ed Sheeran has been spotting feeding a sneaky hunj into the iconic Wheres The Gold poker machine at the Broncos Leagues Club in Red Hill. It is believed that Ed Sheeran was bored as shit in the rainy []

The post Ed Sheeran Kills Time Until Brisbane Concert Playing Wheres The Gold In Broncos Leagues appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

03:30

Ringo Starr Receives Knighthood For His Contribution To A TV Show About Talking Trains "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former drummer for The Beatles, Ringo Starr, has today received the commonwealths highest honour for his role in bringing to life a fictional universe where locomotives have the same emotions and verbal skills as humans. The 77-year-old Ringo Starr received a knighthood from Prince William, decades after his lone surviving ex-Beatle Paul McCartney []

The post Ringo Starr Receives Knighthood For His Contribution To A TV Show About Talking Trains appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

03:01

Alex Bhathals Unaligned Chakras To Blame For Batman By Election Loss, Says Di Natale "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact After the Greens shock loss in the Batman by-election on the weekend, left-wing figures around the country have been asking questions. Questions, which have been answered today, by spiritual guru and leader of the Greens, Richard Di Natale. Di Natale has told The Advocate, that Alex Bhathals 6th electoral []

The post Alex Bhathals Unaligned Chakras To Blame For Batman By Election Loss, Says Di Natale appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

02:59

Tom Ballard Says Hes Prepared To Call Bob Brown A Ct In The Interest Of Fairness "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Taxpayer-funded comedian Tom Ballard says hes prepared to call his personal hero Bob Brown a cunt live on air to appease conservatives. The ABCs Tonightly host needs to appease conservatives after his popular programme labelled a Batman byelection candidate from the Australian Conservatives a cunt during a show earlier this []

The post Tom Ballard Says Hes Prepared To Call Bob Brown A Ct In The Interest Of Fairness appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

02:31

Business With No Signage Other Than Emphasised Street Number Obviously Full Of Prossies "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local business that seems to have a fair bit of in-store foot traffic and its own car park, also has a suspicious lack of signage -leading to many passers by to assume that its the type of place that you visit when you feel like paying someone to have sex with you. []

The post Business With No Signage Other Than Emphasised Street Number Obviously Full Of Prossies appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

00:55

Trans woman furious shes still being paid as much as before "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Melanie (formerly Michael) Hargreaves has filed a lawsuit against her employer on the grounds that, by paying her as much as they used to, theyre not properly recognising her new gender identity.

At first, I was surprised by how enlightened the company was, she told reporters.  They were very supportive of my decision, told me to use whichever toilet I felt comfortable with, gave me time off for the surgery, and so on.

When I came back, I was pleased to see my name had been changed on the website and all company paperwork.  But then I saw my payslip.  Exactly the same as I was earning before.

Moreover, in three months no one has groped me, made an inappropriate comment, told me something I already know or asked when Im going to hook myself a rich man so I can give up work.  Its as if Im not really a woman in their eyes.

The company issued a statement saying:  Blimey, whats she moaning about now? Must be the time of the month to which Melanie greeted as a step in the right direction.

Meanwhile, a think tank looking into the question of how the money men earn can be transferred to women have concluded that such a mechanism already exists, and is called divorce.

00:40

Facebook Assures Australians Theyd Sell Their Data If It Wasnt Just Shitposting About The NBN "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Facebook has responded to claims theyve been selling the data of Australian users by outlining that most of the content and information Australians put on Facebook is inherently worthless. The popular social media network told The Advocate a short time ago that everything that Australians put on Facebook is []

The post Facebook Assures Australians Theyd Sell Their Data If It Wasnt Just Shitposting About The NBN appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

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IndyWatch Satirical News Feed Today.

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Tuesday, 20 March

23:05

Weve Got to Restart the Arab Spring "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Comrades, like all of you, I am troubled by the ongoing wars and repression in the Middle East, the rising fascist tide in western imperialist countries, and the general atmosphere brought on by the crisis more broadly.

Like all of you, I long to see the broad masses bring down this corrupt order, but feel powerless to bring this necessary change about. I think all of us lately have been kept up late at night wondering how we can strengthen the democratic and socialist forces and stop the bloodshed in Syria.

Part of the problem doubtless lies with the fact that the popular Syrian opposition to this horrific war and most of the actors in it is unable to express itself over the sound of guns and bombs. Few would deny this terrible truth.

All of us long for a time when Arabs in particular were flooding the streets from Morocco to Bahrain against the various dictators who oppress them, backed by the forces of imperialism. But we cannot travel through time. How can we recreate the necessary conditions for this wave of mass dissent?

I too had no idea of the answer until last night, comrades, when it came to me in a dream. I bolted awake in bed at 3 am and have been up since then, retweeting every single tweet about the Arab Spring.

SocialMediad

Its as brilliant as it is simple: these peaceful protests were the direct result of social media activism and sustained themselves entirely through this medium. In fact, considering that most people on the internet are not Arabs, it stands t...

22:06

Oprah denies marrying man who looks a bit like John Cleese "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A new report claiming that US TV celebrity Oprah Winfrey had a surprise wedding" to long-time partner Stedman Graham has been officially debunked. Gossip Cop, a highly respected Internet website, which faithfully draws the public's attention to...

05:39

Uber Death Could Be Start Of 'Rise Of The Machines' "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Experts investigating the death of a woman in Tempe, Arizona, are saying that the circumstances are "grimly reminiscent" of events portrayed in the 2003 Hollywood movie 'Terminator 3 - Rise Of The Machines'. According to eyewitnesses, Elaine Conno...

Go Back:30 Days | 7 Days | 2 Days | 1 Day

IndyWatch Satirical News Feed Today.

Go Forward:1 Day | 2 Days | 7 Days | 30 Days

Monday, 29 January

20:11

Trump IRS Tax Returns Found In Garage Sale Picture Frame "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

What was first thought to be a reprint of a Margaret Keane 'wide-eye waif' purchased at a Schenectady, New York garage sale turned out to conceal a copy of President Donald Trump's latest federal and state tax returns. A spokesperson for the indiv...

19:52

Class Act Roger Federer, And Then There's Trump "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Watching the Australian tennis final at 3:00 AM is easy if Roger Federer is playing. Only, he doesn't play. This is a fast speed chess game, using a tennis racket and a ball. He seldom fist pumps, never cry's to his coaching box for help, certainly d...

14:16

First Tentacle Bank is set to do business on Planet Earth "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

First Tentacle Bank of Planet Purplonia is getting ready to bring their business to Earth. New television ads for the bank proclaim, "At First Tentacle, we offer loans at 2% APR, savings at 16% interest. How does that grab you?" Financial experts...

06:08

Family with gibberish names cleared by CPS after naming their newborn "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A family is cleared by Child Protective Services after an investigation that was triggered by the name they gave their newborn. Hospital staff felt the name was unnecessarily stigmatizing, if not outright abusive. The father, Gafdkljk Xygadasf, sa...

Sunday, 28 January

22:50

Donald Trump Comes Out as a Cisgender Anti-inclusive Racist-fluid Bi-phobic Trans-Republican "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Washington, D.C.--President Trump announced this week, at a press conference, "My proper pronouns are 'I, I,' and 'I' and 'me, me,' and me,'" and then came out, to the waiting press corps and the world, as a "Cisgender Anti-inclusive Racist-fluid Bi-...

IndyWatch Satirical News Feed Archiver

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IndyWatch Satirical News Feed Today.

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IndyWatch Satirical News Feed was generated at Community Resources IndyWatch.

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