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Tuesday, 12 December


10 funniest Donald Trump moments of the year number 8 "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Heres number 8 in our rundown of the top 10 funniest Donald Trump moments of the year.

Dont forget to watch to the end with the sound up. Just perfect.

Number 9: when he tried to explain uranium

This is what JK Rowling said about it.

Number 10:...


This Rick and Morty joke spiralled out of control and will restore your faith in Twitter "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

It started off with a simple and not especially great Rick and Morty gag (fear not, this isnt really about Rick and Morty).

Except it turned out this was only the start, as the whole of Twitter piled in to turn it into one of those joyous threads that restores just for a bit your faith in the internet.

Hang on, people.







The only Brexit cartoon youll need this Christmas "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Every now and again a cartoon comes along and you think, yep, nailed it. This, by Herald newspaper cartoonist @CamleyCartoons, is one of those occasions.

Follow @CamleyCartoons on Twitter here.


The post The only Brexit cartoon youll need this Christmas appeared first on The Poke.


Oscar sexually assaults other Oscar "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The 2018 Oscar ceremonies look in doubt after allegations emerged that the Oscar for best Supporting Actor sexually assaulted the Oscar for Best Screenplay in a cupboard in Hollywood. The Oscar for best Supporting Actor said the accused Oscar was just fooling around, while other Oscars in the cupboard gave confused testimony to the Motion Picture Academy.

One Oscar said Im pretty sure something went on. But frankly, when I was asked to describe the accused Oscar there wasnt much I could say. About 13 inches tall, 8 pounds, gold plated bronze kinda human figure. But frankly and I know this sounds like prejudice, they all look alike including myself. It was dark too, so I couldnt swear it was Best Supporting Actor doing the assaulting. All I know is it wasnt me. You have to believe that.

With the Oscar ceremony not due till March 2018, its thought there is plenty of time to resolve the accusations. If convicted of the assault, the disgraced Oscar could be presented to Dustin Hoffman in a new category of Lifetime Achievement for Bothering Young Women. One member said it could be exported to Europe and rammed up Roman Polanskis arse


How you like to slice your toast is todays burning issue "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

It started off as an innocent enough question but divided the nation like nothing weve seen since Brexit. Well, we might exaggerate a tiny bit.

Weve always thought toast tasted better sliced diagonally. Heres what everyone else thought.







Frontman Going into Cardiac Arrest Restarts Own Heart with Series of Chest Pounds "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

BOSTON Big Dylan Hayward, frontman of hardcore band Best Friends Bitter Ends, restarted his own heart on stage last night with a series of rhythmic and badass chest pounds, shocked show attendees confirmed.

Witnesses report the singer had complained of chest pains in between songs.

I saw Big Dylan rubbing his arm and heard him ask why the room was spinning, but we all assumed he was heartbroken by another backstabbing, or overwhelmed by all the love and respect for the scene, said showgoer and all around solid dude Jake Plesmin. My buddys mom is a nurse, so he recognized the symptoms and tried to get Dylan to take some Bayer. But Dylan said he was too straight edge for that shit and slapped them out of his hand.

Fellow members of Best Friends Bitter Ends were concerned for their frontman.

You just dont ever picture someone so close to you almost dying especially not someone like Big Dylan. This is a guy who single-handedly kicked the shit out of every one of those clowns in the South Shore Pit Crew, said bassist Mel Barnwell. And it wouldve really sucked to have him die before we go on tour in two weeks. Thered be no time to audition new vocalists.

Paramedics arriving shortly after Best Friends Bitter Ends finished their last song later confirmed that Hayward did in fact experience full-on cardiac arrest.


Mr. Hayward is lucky to be alive right now. The chest pound is a move in every front persons arsenal, but few people appreciate its life saving capabilities, said paramedic Marcus Brown. If he hadnt reacted so quickly and pounded his chest to the breakdown of Suffer No Fools, we mightve lost him. The scene would never have been the same.

At an impromptu press conference held in the parking lot, Hayward addressed his supporters.

My whole life, Ive written songs about back-stabbings, fake people, the world today, and respect, said Hayward, sitting on the bumper...


GP says Peppa Pig is damaging the NHS our favourite 12 replies "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A doctor has said kids TV show Peppa Pig is damaging the NHS by encouraging people to make unnecessary visits to their GP.

Catherine Bell said Peppas family made too many visits to their GP (Dr Brown Bear, in case you dont watch) and it was being copied by her young fans and their parents.

He has big demand from patients but provides them with a really good service. If the topic was health-related, I would be encouraging self-care for minor illnesses rather than another visit to Dr Bear.

And heres precisely what people made of that.






Hallyday not really dead claim conspiracy theorists "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

French networking sites, bloggers and newsgroups were abuzz with claims that Johnny Hallyday faked his own death in order to live anonymously.  Alleged sightings of the singer are now flooding internet forums with claims that he was seen boarding an aeroplane to Argentina, others say Hallyday had grown a long white beard as a disguise and had even attended his own funeral.

The familys solicitor insisted: Johnny was found sitting on the toilet when the paramedics arrived and pronounced dead at the scene.  He had been eating a croissant at the time.  While one conspiracist from Nantes claimed there was a guy works down the friterie swears hes Johnny.



What Paddington Bear had to say about that visit to 10 Downing Street "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The prime ministers Twitter account proudly tweeted a picture of Paddington Bears visit to 10 Downing Street.

Heres what Paddington had to say, courtesy of @JimMFelton on Twitter.


The post...


Great to see Mary on keyboards and Joseph on vocals for a change "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The perfect caption courtesy of @IDS_not on Twitter.


And then theres this.


The post Great to see Mary on keyboards and Joseph on vocals for a change appeared first on The Poke.


Teen at First Show Pretty Sure This Is a Good Place to Stand "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

KENOSHA, Wisc. 15-year-old Mark Hall reportedly believes he has picked the perfect place to stand during an all-ages hardcore show today at VFW Post 1865, witnesses report.

Im really excited to finally be at a real concert, said the young music nerd. And I think Ive found the perfect place to watch from: right here in the center, maybe 10 feet back from the stage. Ill have a close-up view, but not be so close that I cant see everything.

My friend Lisa is here with me, but she wanted to hang out in the back for some reason, added the eager 9th grader, standing proudly in a place soon to be occupied by a shirtless, 300-pound man.

The teenager noted that its too much effort to go see an act like Metallica, for which his parents would have to drive him across the state. Instead, he decided to see local hardcore band Willfully Ignorant as his first live music experience.

I wonder if Ill need these earplugs, wondered Hall aloud, unaware that before the end of the night, he will be elbowed in the sternum by a 26-year-old woman with neck tattoos. Im going to take so many photos with my phone. This is gonna be awesome!

Despite the risks, many of the older attendees were supportive of Hills choice of position.


Damn, its cool to see someone that young ready to fuck shit up in the pit, said scene veteran Devin Deviln Hirschberg. Last time Willfully Ignorant played here, six people went to the hospital. This looks like a good night to break that record.

Calling it a tale as old as time, sources at the show speculate Hall will likely try and escape the mosh pit of which he has preemptively positioned himself at the center, but will constantly get pushed back in by people who think theyre helping.

Judging by the fact that the kid keeps looking around like hes lost in the woods, Im guessing he has no idea what hes gotten himself into, said local hardcore kid Sara...


We Asked Famous Londoner Steve-O His Thoughts on Brexit and He Lit His Dick on Fire "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Last year the United Kingdom shocked the world by voting to leave the European Union. The decision continues to be a polarizing issue for the nation, with supporters and detractors sharing a common fierceness of opinion. But what do celebrity locals think?

To find out, we asked famous Londoner, Steve-O his thoughts on Brexit and, after a thoughtful pause, he lit his dick on fire.

Steve-O, born Stephen Gilchrist Glover in Wimbledon, London, was raised in Brazil, Canada, and Venezuela. He is a performance artist who is well known for being on Jackass, Wildboyz, and drugs. Steve-Os career has made him one of Londons most famous exports, and every Brit wants to know his thoughts on Brexit. So lets break it down.

What does Steve-O lighting his dick on fire say about Brexit?

Im not a Londoner, I was just born here, Steve-O said in an interview preceding his genital-flame demo. I dont know anything about the politics of Brexit. Im not the right person for this. Do you have a lighter?

Related: Anthony Bourdain Convinced to Eat Bugs by Tribe Who Does Not Eat Bugs


Wow. Powerful. Im no art expert, but I think its pretty clear that Steve-O is trying to say that borders of a country do not define a human being, that we are not bound by imaginary lines used by the powers that be to divide us and keep the world from uniting to create a better tomorrow.

Then he lit his dick on fire.

Communication has always been the worlds number one problem and solution, so symbolic acts like dousing your flaccid penis in lighter fluid, twirling it around like a helicopter while raising your eyebrows and blowing a fat raspberry as a match is lit and said penis is set aflame is, if nothing else, noble in its attempts to simultaneously critique the inherent flaws in the ways we send and process information between one another.

Plus that shit was so funny, dude.

Warning: remove all Hard Times apparel BEFORE lighting yourself of fire. Your buddies might want it if this goes bad:


Years best overtaking manoeuvre has an immensely satisfying finish "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Keep watching the wheel.

Very satisfying indeed.


The post Years best overtaking manoeuvre has an immensely satisfying finish appeared first on The Poke.


Epic lightsaber duel in London skate park "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Two martial arts experts created a spectacular lightsaber duel in a skate park in West London to mark the nationwide film release of Star Wars: The Last Jedi this week.

The post Epic lightsaber duel in London skate park appeared first on The Poke.


State of California to sue Fire "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Lawyers for the State of California today filed papers with a district court naming Fire Itself as a defendant.

It is hoped that this will be a way to recover some of the estimated $100m the fire has cost so far.  In a groundbreaking legal innovation, lawyers claim that fire itself has gotten away with too much for too long: Its time we started to put the blame where it really lies, said State legislators.

They did not comment when asked if this meant ordinary people would in future be able to sue Law Itself for wasting everyones money.



Avengers: Infinity War Trailer Inexplicably Earns $180 Million Opening Weekend "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

LOS ANGELES The Marvel Cinematic Universe shattered even more box office records and expectations this week after the first Avengers: Infinity War trailer inexplicably earned over $180 million in its first week of being uploaded onto YouTube.

The 2-minute and 24-second trailer premiered on the internet on November 29 and opened to over 97 million views and scores of positive comments. Its earnings currently run ahead of box office earnings for Pixars critically-acclaimed Coco and DCs lackluster Justice League film.

We were honestly incredibly baffled when the numbers came in, said directors Anthony and Joe Russo on the trailers current revenue. Baffled and pleased, honestly. Were just incredibly moved by the fans support and we hope that they enjoy the movie when it comes out in six months.

Were not really sure how it made money. But well take it, they added.

Read More From Hard Drive, The Only Ethical Gaming Journalism Site on The Internet:

This comes as a relief for the MCU after its past trailers for Spider-Man: Homecoming, Thor: Ragnarok, and Black Panther earned a total of zero dollars on YouTube. Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige echoed the Russos confusion about the YouTube clips ongoing earnings.

I dont even think that the trailer is attached to any movies right now, Feige stated in a phone interview. But Im thrilled that the trailers generated this much buzz for our film. Itll make green lighting the next eight pictures that much easier.

Earnings are expected to dip to about $100 million during the trailers second week of wide release, according to trailer box office analysts, but they insist they are not entirely sure as a result of the fact that this is the first time they have ever analyzed the earnings of a movie trailer. Rotten Tomatoes has also lifted its review embargo several months in advance, and has classif...


Waitrose withdraws essential range after finding poor people in stores "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

UK supermarket chain Waitrose has withdrawn its popular essential range after discovering that the cut-price products had led to a number of poor people shopping there.

The discount brand, launched in 2009 to help Waitroses core customer base cope with the recession without having to downgrade one of their Range Rovers, was proving extremely successful. This success appears to have come at a price though, with the unwanted side effect of attracting the working class.

At first it worked fine, our regular shoppers were delighted with the new range, and common people were still put off by the Waitrose branding explained marketing director Rupert Thomas, but as we advertised more, and made the mistake of including the prices of products in our TV commercials, we began to see some undesirable characters appearing in our aisles, enticed in by the prospect of finding a tin of beans for under 5, which they previously hadnt expected from us. One horrid man even came in wearing a Hi-Vis vest looking for a sandwich. It was awful.

The popularity of the essential range had seen it quickly expand to include affordable versions of many foodstuffs and household items. To make matters worse Waitrose also starting pointing out that many of their prices were the same as those found in Tescos, attracting even more lower class shoppers and alienating many of their existing clientele. It was so demeaning finding out that I wasnt paying any more for my groceries than a common chav moaned former Waitrose customer Emily Hamilton-Brown. Ive gone back to doing my weekly shop at Fortnum & Mason now, just to make sure I dont accidentally purchase something thats buy-one-get-one-free.

Hopefully withdrawing the products and stopping the adverts will stop any additional commoners coming in, continued Mr Thomas, but we still have the problem of getting rid of the ones that have already started shopping with us. Theyre still turning up, wandering around looking a bit lost and not buying anything. Were thinking of putting up signs outside pointing out that Lidl down the road has some great deals on, or maybe well just put down some traps baited with chicken nuggets so we can catch them humanely and release them in Asda.


The littlest nope ever. "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Love this photo. A cat takes a single step from the backdoor into the snow and goes nope.

Abort Mission! writes @Susanwagento.

Source: Twitter/@EmrgencyKittens

The post The littlest nope ever. appeared first on The Poke.


This Jona Lewie joke will make you feel Christmassy or your money back "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Comedian Sanjeev Kohli (you might know him as Synthesizer Patel from Look Around You) has an annual Christmas joke and itll make people of a certain age feel very Christmassy.

Are you ready? Make sure you say it out loud as it feels so good on the lips and its the best joke about the anti-war song Stop The Cavalry youll read this year.

Exquisite.youd think hed go to Jona Lewies though says @Looselyswindles.

We also enjoyed this follow-up joke where Jona Lewie actually got in touch:

And finally theres only one way to finish this post lets all watch the video:

Is that in your head now? Christmas earworm-tastic.

Source: Twitter/@govindajeggy

The post This Jona Lewie joke will make you feel Christmassy or your money back appeared first on The Poke.


This person attempting to charge $60k to the The Daily Mail to use a picture is our new hero "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

If a photo goes viral theres often the Daily Mail in the comments asking to use it for their website and this guy told them to go to hell is such a great way.

Imagine weve inserted one of the popular applause gifs here.

You know what? Imagine weve inserted two.

Source: Twitter/@ItsBorys

The post This person attempting to charge $60k to the The Daily Mail to use a picture is our new hero appeared first on The Poke.


These 20 topical Christmas cracker gags will have you moaning until Christmas Day "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Stand by your stockings, everyone, heres the top 20 topical Christmas cracker gags as voted for by the great British public.

TV channel Gold challenged people to come up with their best topical jokes and here are the 20 funniest according to a vote on Twitter.

But can you do better? Send us yours in the comments and well pick a winner.


Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? She couldnt run a stable government


Why dont Southern Rail train guards share Advent Calendars? They want to open the doors themselves


Whats the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year


Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the Souths annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change


Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying moron to him


Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot


Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal or No Deal


Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet


What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? Good game, good game


Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas day? He wants to give peas a chance


The post These 20 topical Christmas cracker gags will have you moaning until Christmas Day appeared first on The Poke.


Woman asks boyfriend to hug her whilst hes playing computer games. He asks for 3 paragraph essay why. She complies. "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

People in relationships. If your partner asks for hugs, drop everything and give them hugs. Or ask for a 3 paragraph essay why like this keen computer gamer did.

I told my girlfriend to write me a 3 paragraph essay on why I should hug her. Little did I know, she actually was doing it while I was playing video games. says POSlTlVE over on Reddit.

  • Well OP dont leave us hanging; did you hug her? asks occhiolism.Source: Reddit

The post Woman asks boyfriend to hug her whilst hes playing computer games. He asks for 3 paragraph essay why. She complies. appeared first on The Poke.


Mid-Afternoon Kayak Fails To Cheer Malcolm Turnbull Up After Q&A Train-Wreck "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Many times in the past, a quick scoot around Sydney Harbours Shark Island from his Point Piper home is enough to put the breath back in his trumpet not today. Malcolm Turnbull appeared on popular ABC witch-hunting programme, Q&A, last night and not everything went to plan according []

The post Mid-Afternoon Kayak Fails To Cheer Malcolm Turnbull Up After Q&A Train-Wreck appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Local Man Contemplates New Life With Senior That Just Fell Asleep On Him On The Train "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

KENT REGINALD | Trains | CONTACT A local Betoota man is looking forward to his new life living with the 85 year old man that just fell asleep on his shoulder on this public bus.< Barry Twine, 31, says that although he never planned to spend the rest of his days stuck underneath a snoring senior, itll be a []

The post Local Man Contemplates New Life With Senior That Just Fell Asleep On Him On The Train appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Female Law Grad Applies For Capsicum Spray Permit Ahead Of Work Christmas Party "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact Sarah Harris likes to let her hair down. She likes to enjoy a drink. She likes to have a good time. She likes it when work picks up the bill, to thank her for working 10-12 hour days all year for the firm. However, more than all of these things Sarah []

The post Female Law Grad Applies For Capsicum Spray Permit Ahead Of Work Christmas Party appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Terribly-Wrapped Present Obviously From Fuck-Up Of A Brother "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact When John Wilmott was 14, his older brother Mark was sent home from school for the last time. He was only months away from sitting his final high school exams when he was caught smoking and drinking alone on school grounds. Rather than provide counselling or even a swift, []

The post Terribly-Wrapped Present Obviously From Fuck-Up Of A Brother appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Issue With PayPol Easily Fixed With A Quick $10K Deposit Into Unrelated Westpac Account "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A local Betoota scam artist is waiting with bated breath today, after launching a brand new worldwide con involving sending people emails from financial giant Poypal. The man, who we interviewed on condition of anonymity, is optimistic that his latest scheme is a winner, and that most people would skim over the fact []

The post Issue With PayPol Easily Fixed With A Quick $10K Deposit Into Unrelated Westpac Account appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Student Household Unveils Pathetic Christmas Tree "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though money is tight and festive cheer is at an all-time low, a troupe of local students have attempted to bring joy into their filthy home by erecting a humble Christmas tree. But one mans humble is another mans pathetic. Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Macy Peterson, a []

The post Student Household Unveils Pathetic Christmas Tree appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Dastyari Confident His Mates Uncle Can Get Him A Job In The Westconnex Tunnel "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Resigning Federal Senator Sam Dastyari has today revealed that he is confident he will find work outside of politics, despite joining the Labor Party at 16 and never really working outside of the political arena in his entire life. Dasher has announced this morning that he will not return to the Senate next []

The post Dastyari Confident His Mates Uncle Can Get Him A Job In The Westconnex Tunnel appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


State of emergency declared after snowflake falls in London "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The Prime Minister is to chair an emergency meeting of COBRA following a snowflake was reported to have settled on the pavement on Londons Oxford Street.

Well rehearsed emergency plans are already being implemented to ensure disruption is minimized and Sky News is running wall-to-wall coverage of the crisis.  Programme Anchor Stephen Dixon advised viewers: It looks like we could have up to a one-flake covering throughout the South of England so we need to prepare for road closures, train cancellations and intermittent power cuts. Dont drive unless its absolutely necessary.

A spokesman for The Met Office said: This just might get pretty bad and there could be major problems.  Perhaps even as bad as that time we had one whole half a centimetre and the South went into total lockdown for a month.

The hashtag #PrayForTheHomeCounties is currently trending on Twitter and The Army is on standby.

Meanwhile the Midlands and Northern areas of Britain remain largely unaffected having only to deal with the usual seasonal blizzards and three foot snowdrifts.



Shorten Forced To Explain His Mandarin Tattoo Not Associated With Political Donations "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Leader of the Opposition, Bill Shorten MP has today had to clarify that the mandarin tattoo running down his neck has nothing to do with the Labor parties newly revealed links to the Chinese Government. It was a mid-life crisis brain snap said Shorten. Not the political donations stuff, the tattoo I believe []

The post Shorten Forced To Explain His Mandarin Tattoo Not Associated With Political Donations appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

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Monday, 11 December


DAY 5: Eric Abetz Still Heterosexual "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

eric abetz gay marriage

Tasmanian Senator Eric Abetz still hasnt been turned into a gay, reports show.

The unexpected news comes despite the fact same sex marriage was legalised five days ago, leading some to question whether there was need for concern in the first place.

Mr Abetz has been under close observation since Thursday, but has apparently remained unchanged.

There have been no other reports of changes amongst the general population either, although sex with animals has been rampant, as predicted.


By Terry Beuler 


Chewbacca and porgs join dark side in The Last Jedi twist "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Star Wars franchise unveils its darkest twist yet.


Executive Decree? Trump To Write Check To End Balances "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

With infallible regularity, each and every news cycle the rightwing alchemists transmute the obscene and the aberrant into mainstream gold. We may well be on the verge of another Nixon-style Saturday Night Massacre Saturday, but instead of the resignation speech to follow well probably see a pre-Iraq-invasion like next logical step. Fox News Alert: Most


High School Student Scratches Former Symbol of Peace into Desk "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ITHACA, N.Y. High school student Peter Church etched a swastika into his 9th period math class desk in a bizarre attempt at reclaiming the ancient symbol, shocked students and teachers confirmed.

Sophomore and Buddhist Club president Emma Aldridge snuck a look at the desk, already vandalized with dozens of Stussy Ss and actual peace signs, before it was removed from the classroom.

He didnt even turn it the right way, Aldridge said, looking at the symbols Wikipedia page. Like, thats literally the only real defining difference, and he didnt even do that right. The symbol is so much more problematic than the entirety of the Nazi party it represents the Nazi party and shit, as opposed to just actually, like, you know, discussing the history of them.

While holding a school-wide assembly to discuss the incident, principal Gerry Wallace found himself in hot water when he used the N-word to demonstrate what cant and shouldnt be re-appropriated.


It was an example, Principal Wallace said in a statement from his office. As people progressing toward a brighter and purer future, I needed my students to know that saying and doing these things is not okay, and should not be tolerated.

Church, while caught off guard, sympathized with his principal.

Its time we reclaim it all, said Church in a Skype interview from his bedroom. For far too long, weve cast taboos on things were just afraid to talk about. As a white person, I feel I have to use my social power and privilege to use these symbols to acclimate those who fear them.

Despite the outcry, Church stands by his controversial graffiti.

If anything, theyre the racists, said Church. Teachers, you know, man? They have no idea what context is. Its not my fault they associated this ancient Buddhist symbol with a few bad apples.

Buy a shirt from The Hard Times store right now:


Heres All the Evidence for the Stranger Things Fan Theory That The Show Takes Place in the 1980s "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Stranger Things just got picked up for a third season, and its easy to see why. The awesome Netflix series mixes science fiction with the everyday drama of being a kid in a small town.

But theres plenty of mystery, too.

For example, one popular fan theory puts the Stranger Things timeline squarely in the 1980s.

Sounds wild, right? But theres plenty of evidence supporting this insane theory. If you werent paying close attention, you might have missed it.

Still dont believe it? You will after you see this. Season 2 really dropped some clues, and eagle-eyed fans were there to spot them. So strap in, because its about to get crazy.

At the start of the season 2 premiere, the kids are gathering up quarters so they can go to the local arcade to play Dragons Lair, a Don Bluth-animated game. If you stop and look, you can see around half the quarters lack the tell-tale copper ring around the edges present in quarters minted after 1965. That combination of old and new quarters could only exist in the 1980s!

Another huge clue comes in season 2, when Nancy and Jonathan are walking down the hallway of the school. Nancy asks Jonathan if hes coming to the party that night, but jokingly says hell probably just sit at home and listen to Talking Heads and read Kurt Vonnegut. If youre paying attention, you can see Nancy is holding a Trapper Keeper, an organizational product for school kids that saw peak popularity in you guessed it the 1980s!

Read More From Hard Drive:



Everyone is the enemy of the people, except me says Farage "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Nigel Farage has confirmed that he is the only person left who is not defying the will of the people:  I convinced a slight majority of the voting public to demand something that required several diametrically opposed actions to run concurrentlyand everyones thwarted their intentions, he lamented.  What part of leave didnt they understand?

Cameron, May, Ireland, the DUP and the rest, they all did exactly what everyone expected them to do. No-one acted irrationally against their own best interests, and, well, thats the very definition of blocking Brexit.  And, what of the Eurocrats, having never done a proper job in their lives because instead theyd become experts on negotiating EU exit deals and actually planning ahead.   Its a denial of my democratic vote!

We may not have won, but let me make a couple of things perfectly clear: firstly, I will not accept an iota of blame; and, secondly, I refuse, point blank, to get over it.



Tributes pour in to Keith Chegwin after family announce death after long illness "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Sad to catch the news on the BBC that 70s childrens TV presenter Keith Chegwin has died after a long illness.

Keith was 60 and reportedly had been suffering from a long term lung condition.

Keith Chegwins family issued the following statement to @PA following his death says @Pashowbiz over on Twitter.

Tributes have been lead by fellow kids TV star Derek Griffiths:

DJ Tony Blackburn

Comedian Bobby Davro


Why does Sharon Stone now look like Jedwood? "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Hooray for Sharon Stone, not only did she invent crossing your legs with no knickers on in 1992, shes also now channelling everyones favourite Irish men, Jedward:

It really is quite a match

Were also loving these photos of Sharon looking after her elderly father:

Bless Sharon and all she stands for.

Source: Twitter/@Tweet_Dec

The post Why does Sharon Stone now look like Jedwood? appeared first on The Poke.


17 supermarket signs made by secret comedy geniuses "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Working in supermarkets is tough work. the hours are long, the pay is bad and annoying members of the public sometimes look down on you.

However there is one respite from the tedium of it all: can you get away with sticking up ridiculous signs?

Heres 17 of the very best that the fine people who work in supermarkets have to offer:

1. When you cant remember the names of vegetables

2. When you want to encourage underage drinking

3. When you REALLY want to encourage underage drinking

Source: joyreactor.

4. When you subvert the very foundations of reality

5. When you just dont care what you write on signs as long as it makes Barry in the back office giggle

6. When you see if you can get away with swapping in a funnier word...


State Fairs Whitesnake Cover Band Sadly the Real Whitesnake "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

LOUISVILLE, Ky. Music fans at the Kentucky State Fair were surprised and depressed last week to learn that what they thought was a Whitesnake cover band was actually the real Whitesnake, multiple sunburned sources confirmed.

These four balding, middle-aged dudes took the stage and started playing Fool For Your Loving, and I remember thinking, Hey, they sound pretty good, said Taylor Bursavich, one of many mistaken fans. But when the guitarist got on the mic to explain how he came up with the name Whitesnake man, it was a real bummer.

The crowd was immediately disillusioned upon learning that the writers of Is This Love had fallen so far.

I was so much happier when I thought these were just old guys in a cover band with boring day jobs, not old guys who rely on State Fair gigs as their primary income, said Randi Hess, who struggled to enjoy herself for the rest of the day. The worst part is when they played Here I Go Again, and some rough-looking woman dancing on top of a demolition derby car in front of the stage slipped and cut her leg open really bad. It really killed the whole vibe.


According to Whitesnakes management, the band had a series of multi-platinum albums and several Top 20 hits before their latest State Fair tour. However, most people in attendance, including medical tent volunteer Brie Mardigan, simply refused to believe it was actually Whitesnake playing.

What? No way it was them. I mean, its the Kentucky State Fair. Plus, I saw the bassist chowing down a ton of funnel cake before the set. He even asked me for some Pepto, said Mardigan. Does that sound like a real rock star to you?

Fortunately, Whitesnake lead singer David Coverdale seemed completely unaware of the crowds disappointment. He later tweeted, Such a great show at the KY State Fair. We LOVE you, #Kentucky! See you in two months at the winter flea market!

If you like reading The Hard Times you will love wearing The Hard Times:



Call Me Old Fashioned but I Keep My Sex Robot in the Kitchen Where It Belongs "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

I am not against progress, but technology is advancing so rapidly, and I am just trying to keep up. You can call me old fashioned or stuck in the past, but I stand firm on certain beliefs. That is why I keep my sex robot in the kitchen where it belongs.

Im not a bad person, its just how I was raised. My father wouldnt even let his sex robot sit with our family at the table. Compared to him, Im basically the Abraham Lincoln of machines that fuck.

Yes, the kitchen is a sex robots place, but why? I obviously dont expect my lovely automaton to cook and clean, Im a modern, sensitive man. I leave it propped up against the fridge in a tasteful pose and I clean it almost once a week. But Ill be goddamned if Im gonna sit here and let it breach the living room. I am still a man, after all.

Staying in the kitchen keeps it away from the harsh world where it will be gawked at and objectified. Im not afraid it will become self-aware, I am afraid it will become self-conscious. This is for its own good.

Related: Amazing! This Picture of a Sexy Punk Lady Has Nothing to Do With This Article


Alright, Ill be honest with you. I am afraid if my sex robot steps out, it will realize it doesnt need me. Next thing you know, its going to want get a job, or worse, a career, and I cannot have that. What will the neighbors think? As a nation, we are losing our traditional values by the truckload. Preferably, a truck full of sex robots.

My sex robot will be out there in the world trying to be something it isnt. Thats just not natural. A sex robot should be at home, in the kitchen, covered in synthetic flesh and making pre-recorded moaning sounds.

So go ahead, call me old fashioned and call this a major sanitary concern. Youre starting to sound like my roommates.

4/5 sex robots agree, Hard Times shirts are perfect for wearing around the kitchen:


Its snowing social media exclusively reveals "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Large portions of the United Kingdom have been overlaid with a thinnish veneer of a snow-like substance, various social media outlets can exclusively reveal.

In a blow to mainstream media everywhere, news of the unprecedented weather phenomenon has been leaked via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  The BBC could neither confirm nor deny the reports until they had been corroborated by five separate weather stations across the United Kingdom, and three of those were closed due to poor weather.

The BBC acknowledged the existence of snowmen, but declared that these were not anthropogenic snowmen:  Naturally occurring snowmen have been recorded as early as the 6th century.  And in the 17th Century it used to be so warm in Antarctica that they used to grow strawberries and kumquats, you know

Meanwhile the Fortean Times, who have recently opened a Snapchat account, are said to be chasing reports of a mythical rainbow-spewing snow-unicorn with spaniel ears, somewhere outside Reigate.


This question from Netflix prompted some very funny (and furious) responses "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

This never happened when it was just the BBC, ITV and Channel 4.

It was almost enough to make you feel warmth towards a Nasdaq-listed and generally very secretive video on demand giant from the other side of the Atlantic.

Almost, but not quite. Here are our favourite responses.






Jeremy Clarkson criticised for road-testing wives "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Some say he can't keep his flies up. All we know is, he's called Jeremy.TV presenter Jeremy Clarksons latest Top Gear Challenge has sparked fresh criticism after he and his co-presenters set out to discover which of them had the fastest wife.

Much of the criticism came after Clarkson decided to swap spouses, and was seen clambering into an ex-wife, whom he declared an absolute classic. He then attempted to cross the finishing line ahead of Richard hamster Hammond who did the whole thing in the same sporty blond.

Clarkson defended his decision to swap, claiming that he had ridden his current wife all the way down from Gloucester and she had overheated on the M42 outside Redditch. I was hanging on for dear life, praying to God I didnt have a blowout, explained Clarkson. I didnt want her leaking all the way back, so I thought, hey why not get out the old crate and give her a spin.

There was nothing in the rules saying I couldnt swap the missus, despite James Mays usual protests. But then you should have seen the clapped out old thing he showed up in. Its a wonder he finished at all, he added

In the end Hammond came first by a fraction of a second.

Clarkson however remained bullish, saying: He was in a newer model, but was going far too fast with more understeer than a pig with no front legs. It was obvious hed completely lose his way and end up in the wrong bush, which is actually minus ten points, and straight to the bottom of the cool wall.

So he was lucky. And I probably lost about 2 or 3 seconds anyway due to foreplay, which as any of my wives will tell you is longer than I normally take in the wet.

Malcolm Rennie, BBC Head of Defending Clarkson, said: Top Gear is the most popular show on BBC2, it is shown in 86 territories and generates annual merchandising sales in excess of 4.8 million. So Jeremy could cook and eat a pensioner live on air and we wouldnt give a donkeys fuck. But thanks for asking.

On next weeks show a more rigorous comparison of the wives will be carried out by the Stig.


Woman re-enacts iconic scene from Star Trek with cat "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Introducing Makiki Reuvers shes just got viral with over 20,000 retweets and likes with her joke about Star Trek.

And the joke replies came oh they came

The needs of the Meowany outweigh the needs of the Mew writes @Danielmadison78.

Or the pun. writes @North_easton.

I am and always will be your feline writes @Kevinmkruse.

Live long and paws-purr writes @S_palm.

And finally

Source: Twitter/@makiki_reuvers

The post Woman re-enacts iconic scene from Star Trek with cat appeared first on The Poke.


Malcolm Turnbull To Take Credit For Winner Of Hottest 100 Vote "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ROY MARTIN | Youth Culture | CONTACT Following on from the recent nation-building success of the Same Sex Marriage plebiscite, Malcom Turnbull has held a press conference today expressing his excitement at claiming another victory for Australia with the upcoming triple j Hottest 100 poll. With voting opening on December 12, Prime Minister Turnbull said he was confident []

The post Malcolm Turnbull To Take Credit For Winner Of Hottest 100 Vote appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Barrett Browns Pursuance Project BANS Suzie Dawson for supporting Wikileaks "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

INTERNET Suzie Dawson, New Zealands Internet Party Leader, was banned Saturday from accessing Barrett Browns Pursuance Project Beta System. Dawson lives in Moscow, exiled from New Zealands surveillance state.

Warning: my private communications with other at-risk activists were deleted without me even being notified or given any advance warning whatsoever: & im not the only one

Sunday, Brown responded with an excruciating 11-minute-long song and dance to youtube that went nowhere real fast, but its clear Dawson was removed after contentious arguing with Brown because he doesnt like Wikileaks anymore.

Dawson, whose Internet Party was founded by Megaupload billionaire and Call of Duty grand champion Kim Dotcom, is the brilliant investigative journalist who found out that Hillarys been hocking all that nasty Uranium to Putin.

Wikileaks has maintained strict silence on the subject as Assange considers who to throw under the bus first. Perhaps there are the beginnings of a Pro-Wikileaks purge at the Pursuance Project as another user has been banned.


This old Viz letter has gone viral because it says something accurate about Max Clifford "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The death of Max Clifford seems like an excellent excuse to re-post this letter from Viz a few years back writes @The_rob_1980 over on Twitter where its garnered over 3,000 retweets and likes.

And three more tweets paying tribute to this dubious man:




Source: Twitter/@The_Rob_1980

The post This old Viz letter has gone viral because it says something accurate about Max Clifford appeared first on The Poke.


Mum posts video of her bullied son and celebrities response will make your day "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

A mum posted a heartbreaking video of her tearful son telling how he is bullied at school and it prompted an amazing response.

Keatons mum Kimberly said on Facebook she had just picked him up from school because he was frightened to go for lunch, poor lad. This is what he had to say at the end.

I dont like that they do it to me and I for sure dont like that they do it to other people because its not okay.

People that are different, dont need to be criticised about it. Its not their fault. If you are made fun of just dont let it bother you. Stay strong I guess. Its hard. But itll probably get better one day.

The video went viral and all sorts of people got in touch. People like Luke Skywalker, for instance.

And people like this.


Gold Coast Undecided On Which Sporting Code They Should Suck At Next "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After countless attempts at creating a rugby league legacy in the coastal South-East Corner, and one so-so effort with the in the AFL, Queenslands Gold Coast are now deciding which national sporting code theyll throw another team that no one supports at next. Hmmmm Big Bash could be a very expensive exercisize says []

The post Gold Coast Undecided On Which Sporting Code They Should Suck At Next appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Cherry-Evans takes pay cut to alleviate Manly salary cap drama "IndyWatch Feed Satire"



Manly captain Daly Cherry-Evans says he is willing to cut his monthly salary by $5 million if it will help the Sea Eagles get through its latest salary cap crisis.

Im more than happy to take a 5% pay cut if it will help the club out a bit, Cherry-Evans told the media this afternoon.

Ill even sell off several of my larger chateaus if it will help balance the books but I dont think Manly has an issue so it shouldnt come to that.

The generous offer to downsize his contract and fire some of his less valuable servants could be welcome news to Manly, who up until recently were chasing the signature of Todd Carney.

It was nice of Daly to offer but the truth is we would need him to do more than sack a few slaves to get us out of the shit, a spokesperson for Manly told us.

He would have to agree to let go of his entire share portfolio and allow us to lease back Brookvale Oval from him the guy pretty much owns owns every bit of our collateral.

The NRL says it will likely push ahead with its salary cap investigation unless Daly Cherry-Evans decides to purchase the investigation as an investment, then it will likely be dropped.





Dastyari Says Twitter Was Hacked After Liking Chinese Propaganda At 2am "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Labor Senator Sam Dastyari has blamed a hacker making mischief for an out-of-character like on his Twitter profile discovered early this morning. As celebrations over Fridays legalisation of gay marriage wore on into a classic Sydney-style Sunday session, at about 2am, the Inner West government officials Twitter profile liked a tweet containing Chinese []

The post Dastyari Says Twitter Was Hacked After Liking Chinese Propaganda At 2am appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Red P-Plates On VW Golf A Fairly Good Indication Dads Making Bank "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact A link between the Volkswagen Golf and young women from affluent households has been discovered in a recent report published by theHousehold Wealth Index (HWI). Parts of the study suggests most Volkswagen Golfs adorned with red P-Plates are registered to an address in Betoota Grove the traditional LNP heartland []

The post Red P-Plates On VW Golf A Fairly Good Indication Dads Making Bank appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Teenage Girl Literally Cant Deal When Asked To At Her First Ever Poker Night "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local school leaver has confirmed that she literally cant deal, even after being shown how to by people who do know how to deal. Vera was attending a social poker night with some friends One of her friends older brothers, Luke initially asked her to deal out of politeness, after noticing that []

The post Teenage Girl Literally Cant Deal When Asked To At Her First Ever Poker Night appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Commuter On Hot Packed Train Wonders If Its All Going To Be Worth It In The End "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Another Monday, another late and crowed 7:34 am service on the Betoota MetroLine service into the Old City District. Denise Susans hit snooze enough times this morning to find herself without a seat and pressed up against the door. Im usually on the earlier train, she said defeatedly. But I think theres some []

The post Commuter On Hot Packed Train Wonders If Its All Going To Be Worth It In The End appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Report: Dastyari In Some Curry "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by anyone who has been reading the news has found that Labor senator and walking headline Sam Dastyari really couldnt have landed himself in more shit if he tried. This comes after a report in Fairfax Media that suggests he urged Labors deputy Tanya Plibersek not to meet pro-democracy activists in Hong []

The post Report: Dastyari In Some Curry appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


No Activity Remake Confirms American Cops Also Talk Shit "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Australia and the USA have always enjoyed a long-standing friendship. Bonding over Australias eagerness to follow America into whichever conflict takes their fancy in a particular decade and recent surges of far-right activists. However nothing has brought the two closer together than the realisation that both nations can identify with a pair of low ranking []

The post No Activity Remake Confirms American Cops Also Talk Shit appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.


Forlorn Sam Dastyari Waits At Cheviot Beach For Chinese Submarine "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Sam Dastyari

Friends of Sam Dastyari report that the Labor Senator has been standing on the shores of Cheviot Beach with a suitcase in hand awaiting the arrival of a Chinese submarine for the past two weeks.

Sam has been up to his ankles in a wetsuit staring hopefully out to sea since the middle of November, said a source within the Labor Party. He got quite excited when a large grey shape started to emerge from the waves but it turned out to be an elephant seal looking for mate.

The suitcase is believed to contain Dastyaris toothbrush, his pyjamas, two pairs of clean underpants, a copy of the Lonely Planet Guide To China and a piece of paper with Harold Holts Beijing phone number written on it.

Weve been directed by President Xi personally to stay submerged off Cheviot Beach and scoop up Sam when he bobs past, confirmed Chinese submarine captain Zhang Wei Zhou. Xi has called him back to Beijing to help shore up numbers in the inner city branches dominated by the right faction of the CPC.

Concerns about Senator Dastyari have been raised after he made statements supporting Chinas greater role in the South China Sea, pressurised colleagues not to meet pro- democracy dissidents and attempted to have Parliament House redecorated with red flock wallpaper.

Peter Green


Boris Johnson talks Iran into executing all jailed Britons "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The Foreign Secretary hailed as a success his diplomatic efforts to ensure that every Briton visiting Iran will be instantly jailed, covered in hot chilli sauce and fired from a canon. Meanwhile Iran has offered to stop its nuclear programme, provided Mr Johnson never phones again.

Mr. Johnson and his Iranian counterpart spoke frankly, which rarely ends well. In fact, in just a two hour phone conversation, the Foreign Secretary managed to cede Tehran to Iraq and call Ayatollah Ali Khameneis mother a munter.

Mr. Johnsons unique brand of statecraft is said to have made his Iranian counterpart look back at the Crusades with fondness. Likewise, having erroneously claimed UK citizen Mrs Zaghari-Ratcliffe was spreading sedition, Mr. Johnson helpfully clarified her innocence insisting that she was probably just a witch.

Emboldened by his triumph, the Foreign Secretary offered to heal the Middle East and other Tolkien lands. Although a UN spokeswoman replied: Were really looking for someone to stop the flames of conflict in Jerusalem. To which, Mr. Johnson said he hoped to rise to the challenge as he headed to the nearest kerosene shop.


Nokia Still Not Sure Why The N-Gage Didnt Take Off "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Executives from Nokia have today finally commented on their brief dabble with smartphones. We cant believe the N-Gage flopped said one executive, Phil Sigsworth. We spent like 500 million dollars getting that prototype right The N-Gage (a pun on engage) is a PDA combining features of a telephone and a handheld game system []

The post Nokia Still Not Sure Why The N-Gage Didnt Take Off appeared first on The Betoota Advocate.

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LuAnne Bawl, 6, Rescinds Commitment to Play Basketball for UCLA "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Chico Mills, CA. LuAnne, the youngest member of the infamous Bawl basketball family, has rescinded her letter of commitment to enter UCLA in 2028 and play on the Bruins' women's basketball team. Her father, LaBore Bawl, announced the rescission ear...

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Saturday, 09 December


Hillary: The Grinch Who Almost Stole Christmas "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Seattle, Washington - As reported Friday, Hillary Clinton was arrested after an altercation in a Seattle downtown department store. As part of her never ending "What Happened" book tour, she was in Seattle giving speeches, signing books, and was caug...

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Sales of Bullshit detectors fall "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

Businesses have revealed a dramatic fall in the sale of Bullshit detectors over the past decade. Professor Smidgen from the Institute of fictional studies said: 'With the prevalence of social media, an idiot for a President, and the things your gr...

Saturday, 07 October


Concerns Escalate Over Hillary Clinton's Post-Election Behavior "IndyWatch Feed Satire"

The loss of a U.S. presidential election can be personally devastating. Yet even after the most heartbreaking defeats, most politicians seeking America's highest office absorb the blow, recalculate their strategy and set a path towards new political...

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